Observations on 2011

I'm huge on resolutions. I love goals. I love outlining things I want to improve for myself. I love having things to work towards. I like giving myself a time frame to have something finished. I believe in setting goals and then working hard to obtain them.

I set goals frequently. I don't believe that I should wait to the beginning of the new year to change something, to start improving some aspect of myself. But I do like having long term goals. I check in on them often and at the beginning of ever new year, I first start by looking back at my goals from the year before and seeing how I shaped up.

My goals from 2011 were as follows.

1. Straight A's Winter semester.

Turns out I had mono and I had to handle the severe emotional distress of sending Duty on a mission. These details factored into a very stressful and difficult semester. But I still managed to pull off all A's and B's. So, good. I'm happy with this.

2. Do everything possible to be financially stable for this summer.

Cazz and I made it home in one piece and I paid for it. Success.

3. Knee Replacement

Yes. I did this. I faced my fears and I told my parents and my doctors that I could no longer live my life with the crummy knee I had. I fought hard for this knee replacement and then I fought hard through the most difficult surgery I've had, the hardest recovery I've had to go through and I made it out on the other end. I have a new knee. I have my life back. I am walking limp free. 

4. Write

Yes, minus the small wrench thrown into my plans to be a dedicated pen pal this summer. Other then that, I never missed a week as a pen pal to my missionary and turns out, I could possibly be a professional carepackage sender. Success.

5. Read the Book of Mormon

Yes. I did it back in March with my roommates and it was awesome. And now I'm doing it again. Success 

6. Pick Piano Back Up.

My knee surgery/summer at Zion kinda took up all my spare time this summer. I did get to sit down and play a little, but I didn't get to relearn like I wanted to. This is one I'll keep working on. 

7. Be Better with my Time

 I have a huge desire to give back to the people who gave so much to me.

Zion's Camp. Every Day. All Day. No time for time wasting things when there is service to preform. Check.

8. Take Better Care of My Body

1. Sleep more. -SO SUCCESSFUL WITH THIS! I kicked Mono in the butt at the beginning of this year and this last semester I was in bed between 10 and 11 almost EVERY night. 

2. Eat better. Eh, not so much. I need to keep working on this. 

3. Swim. During the summer, yes. Back at school? Not once. =[ 

4. Take care of my knee. Know when to say no. Know what the limits are and what adjustments need to be made. Make good choices about how far to push it. Okay, I might have pushed myself a little too much when I first started walking again. But I have gotten better at this. 

9. Grow out my hair and stop dying the heck out of it!

hahaha...well...I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to stop dying it...I think I dyed it a total of nine times this year. BUT I HAVEN'T CUT IT DRASTICALLY! So, baby steps, right?

10. China

I am leaving in approx. 26 days to go teach English in China for five months. Check. Check. Check.

11. Stay Secure

When I wrote this last year, I never dreamed of the trials and test of my faith and security in my relationships that 2011 would hold for me. And after everything I faced with Dusty's reassignment, I am proud and thankful to be able to say that we are stronger then ever and I am more secure in my friendship with him then I ever have been before.

I know I've already written about 2011. But I feel the need to say that it was hard. It was harder then I ever imagined it to be. And there were days when I thought I couldn't do it anymore; when my life was so hard that I didn't want to fight anymore. But, I'm a cancer survivor and sitting out of a battle just doesn't fly, even when I'm ready to give up. I am proud of the battles I fought this last year. I am proud of the things I accomplished. I am so thankful that Heavenly Father gave me the strength to accomplish the impossible; to go through my knee replacement, to heal five months faster then originally thought, to become a five year cancer survivor, to become an instrumental piece in the operation of Zion's Camp, to guide me to make the choice to go back to school in the fall and to stay faithful during Dusty's reassignment and the trials that it brought both of us. 2011 was hard. But every battle I fought during it was worth it. And I am thankful for my life and for being alive and for living through it all.

My life is a miracle. At the beginning of every year, I realize that I'm receiving a gift. Another year that I wasn't supposed to have; that cancer was supposed to take from me. But it didn't. I won. I'm alive. And life is so beautiful.

Stay tuned for my resolutions for 2012!

2011 in review

On the last day of the year, I go through every blog entry I've written and relive every high and low moment I experienced over the last 12 months. As I was doing this today, I realized that 2011 was a huge year. a HUGE year. Here is a recap:

I said the hardest goodbye to my best friend and love of my life as he left to serve a mission in Mexico.

I past the five year mark of my diagnosis date.

I celebrated my 21st birthday and went to the festival of colors.

I drove across the country with my dad in 42 hours. straight. 

Dustin was reassigned to the New Hampshire, Manchester Mission and we had to stop writing.

I got my knee totally replaced and my life slowly, but surely, back.

I got accepted to teach English in China for spring of 2012.

My parents were called to be service missionaries at Zion's Camp and I spent every day serving there with them. 

I purchased a DSLR and learned how to view the world through a lens.

I healed faster then thought and decided to go back to school.

Hurricane Irene hit New England.

I became an official five-year cancer survivor!

I went back to Idaho.

Dustin and I got to write again. <3

I met Sebasthian and Elysha (Dustin's trainer and his lovely girlfriend) and got to photograph them!

I dyed my hair red.

I became a lead student at my job, became close with the girls I work with and spent thursdays with Paige eating thai food.

I finished the semester and came home to my Cazz Machine

I am making preparations to go live in China for five months.

Yes, this year has been challenging in more ways then I could ever have imagined. But I learned a lot and a grew a lot and I'd like to think I'm the same person as I was in January...just a better version. 

flashback

I've been on campus since noon, curled up in a corner of the MC against a window, buried in homework and drinking enough water to ensure that I will not sleep solidly tonight. I took a lunch break about two hours ago and ate a sandwich while watching The Importance of Being Earnest for my Brit Lit class. I've read and outlined two chapters for my grammar class in order to prep for my upcoming exam. I've printed out all of my editing documents for my portfolio. I finally downloaded spotify for my computer. I've been sitting at the same table for the last 4 and a half hours and I've watched four different people come and go at the table next to me.

About twenty minutes ago, a girl slid into the seat and began to plug away at her homework. Five minutes later, a guy joins her and as they start discussing their upcoming test they are studying for, it is clear that they met during class. He's got this glint in his eye as he talks to her and she can't stop herself from smiling as their conversation turns away from their study guide. I know this is creepy of me, but I can't help it. Watching their interaction is so familiar...like I know what's coming; like I can predict their every move. She can't meet his eyes for long periods of time and he teases her about something irrelevant, but she flusters up anyway while she sputters for words. He laughs. And I know a split second before she does that she's about to direct his attention back to the study guide.

And then it hits me.

This was me. This was the start of my relationship with Dustin. This was us over a year ago; sitting in his apartment, trying to study for a humanities test and him making fun of my accent and me getting so flustered that I said: "THERE IS NO 'R' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE!" This was the start of a relationship that changed who I was, who I was going to be and who I was becoming. This was the start of everything.

And I can't help but relive those moments, instead of working on my final research topic like I am supposed to. Flashback after flashback, moments that I didn't know I still could recall. My keys in his freezer. His socks on my feet. The time I feel asleep on his couch before we saw Inception because I finally felt safe.

Sometimes, I miss him so much I think my insides are disintegrating because I'm so empty. Sometimes, I feel so misunderstood by the world and I don't want to face it unless he's by my side. But sometimes, I get these flashbacks of how it all started and I know, without a doubt, that we were meant to meet when we did. And I know that this time apart is doing nothing but bringing us closer and strengthening our trust and friendship and our relationship with God. And as hard as it is to be without him now; even ten months later, I know that everything will work out, that one day he'll come home to me and that we will be blessed for our patience and obedience during these two years. To that I hold on to; to that I believe.

Back to work. I would like to get off campus by seven...but who knows if that will actually happen.

hear you me

May Angels lead you in.

miss you more everyday, Maddie.

spread your wings and fly, butterfly.

<3

Hello October

It's crazy to think about what was happening a year ago in my life, and where I am now. A year ago, I danced with Dustin for the first time around a bon fire surrounded by friends. And today, he's serving a mission and I'm planning for China, but he's still my very best friend. I love it. I've been nostalgic lately. I love Autumn and the way the air feels during this time of the year. It reminds me of apple picking and breezes and the sound of dry leaves in the wind. It's perfect.

current guilty pleasure: The Sing-Off

current color: Black

current playlist: BYU Vocal Point 

current read: The New York Trilogy

current drink: Water

current food: Sniders Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzels

current favorite show: Glee!

current wish list: Kindle from Amazon (I'm waiting for the Kindle Touch 3g to be released!)

current needs: Mail

current triumphs: Grilled Cheese!

current bane of my existence: Jenzabar Reports

current celebrity crush: Ryan Reynolds

current indulgence: Costa Vida

current blessing: General Conference

current outfit: Skinny jeans and a blue shirt..

current excitement: Dad and Ashley coming to visit this weekend! 

current mood: Sleepy.

current link: attack of the cute

about this weekend

first of all, I love Fridays. It means no homework pressure when I come home, it means a quiet afternoon at the office, and it means staying up late and sleeping in.
Yesterday was Friday. and I did not love it one bit yesterday morning.
You see, the internet was being dumb, my tummy was being dumb, my chemo brain was being dumb (which means I forgot what I did with my debit card within five minutes) and my attitude was being dumb.
But then, I went to work, and Sam was nice to me. And Symone found my credit card and then brought me Costa Vida. And I had mail waiting for me when I came home, including a super cute thank you card from my primary class I taught this summer, and a few more pages and pictures to add to the greatest story ever told. And then, last night, Symone and I went out with Mark, Jaron and Jared. We drove around in Mark's ancient Volvo and went out to the back fields of Rexburg and star gazed and relived all of our favorite memories together from fall 2008. We talked about banana bombs and Yellowstone and dying Mark's sideburns pink and driving out to the civil defense caves at 1 in the morning. We laughed a lot. I saw a shooting star and we sang to Forever the Sickest Kids on the way home. It was a perfect night with old friends and memories to keep me warm. I was happy.
My brother opens his mission call tonight.
My world is changing, but it is still very much the same.
And I'm happy.

leggings and flashbacks

I loved being able to walk into your apartment after a long day of work without knocking, and being greeted by whoever was sitting in the living room like it was no big deal. I would always just chuck my backpack on the couch or on the table and hang my peacoat on the back of the lone kitchen chair. Usually you would come out from the back by then because you heard me come in and as you kissed me hello, I would announce: "IT'S LEGGINGS TIME!" Those five minutes: the feeling of safety as soon as I saw you, the light, loving kiss hello, how warm you felt as I curled up into your right side, and the way you put your arm around me and held me close while we talked about our day and planned for our night; those first five minutes were so regular to us. They happened every day for four months, and they felt so natural, like we had been doing it for years and would continue to follow our routine for years so come. 


I've made it through six months without those five minutes. I'm doing really well, despite our crazy circumstances. I've really learned to trust God and I've seen so many blessings through my obedience and dedication to the rules we were given. And, I'm planning some big things for myself, like school and China and writing. I'm happy here; I'm happy here at home and I'm learning a lot. But I put my leggings on tonight and I so badly wanted to be curled up into your right side with your arm around my shoulders and my head in the crook of your neck and for five minutes, just for five minutes, to talk about our day.


I am so proud of you. And as much as I miss you, I know how happy you are and that makes everything worth it to me.

Rainbow in a Bottle

"Did you know," she says "that when you see a double rainbow, the colors mirror each other?"

"Really?" I say with genuine interest, because no, I didn't know.

"Yes," she says as we both peer out the windshield at the blackening sky stretching before us, squinting as the sun burns into the side mirrors of the car. "I learned that in my weather class."

I drive on, both hands gripping the unfamiliar steering wheel and her feet curled up underneath her in the worn leather of the passenger seat that knows her well. Mist kicks up from the tires and for a moment, I concentrate on my speed and the way the tires feel beneath me; making sure I have control.

"Look!" she gasps and points ahead of us at the sudden apparition of two brilliant arches of mirrored color stretching across the pavement ahead of us; a welcoming gate into a perfect storm. The sun flares behind us as we climb a hill and we both stare in silence at the bold colors that seem to be breathing in the sky. It's one of those moments, I realize, that we'll never adequately be able to capture in film or even explain in a story. It's a moment that is taken in the most extreme raw format, corked up in some hazy blue-stained bottle and saved for a winter day when all is white and cold. And I think about all those bottles I have stashed away just for me, the glass stained with different colors of the seasons and the corks worn from being unstopped often; and I wonder if I'll ever be able to find a way to document my collection of priceless moments. Maybe they will be buried with me when my time comes, and as she wrote some time ago, whispered into the dirt and back into the atmosphere to become part of someone else's collection. I like that thought, I think. It is a little morbid, but it's something to hold on to when the despair hits as I realize I'll never be able to find the words or music or any concrete, tangible way to share those ten minutes we were hit by the most glorious rainbow I've ever seen. But maybe those thoughts will seep into the rocks and roots someday and be breathed back into the air, for after all, I am just a small part of something so much bigger. I am insignificant but count for something anyway. It is all part of the plan. I have a part in the plan. And my rainbow in a bottle is part of my plan.

Geography Lessons

On the way home tonight, we drove past a dead skunk. My mother said: "Something stinks in Denmark!" (apparently that is an old saying?) The following conversation ensued:

Dad: Do you know where Denmark is?
Mom: It's by Norway and that other guy up there!
Katie: "Germany?"
Mom: "No, up there!"
Me: "I think she means Finland!"

Dad: "Do you know where Morocco is?"
Mom: "Isn't that where people use those shaker things?"
Me: "No, Mom. No."
Mom: "Yeah Huh! Macarenias!"
Dad: "Maracas are used in Mexico..."

Mom: "Holland is in the Netherlands."
Dad: "No."
Mom: "Yeah, it is! Holland! Wooden Shoes."
Ashley: "I thought the Netherlands were islands!"
Dad: "Holland to the Netherlands is like America is to the USA."
Mom: "Right! Holland is the Netherlands!"
Katie: "Where is Denmark?"

I really love my fambly. They make me laugh.

nostalgia

do you ever hear a song that immediately takes you back to a specific time and place and memory? so vivid that you can almost see the people you were with down to the way the light hit their face or the way the air smelled or the way the pavement sounded under the tires of the car you were riding in? Sometimes the first few chords hit you hard in the stomach with that leaves you gasping for air. Sometimes the the first few words leave a smile lingering on your face as you pause to relive the moment that comes so fast you literally don't think twice.

I am nostalgic tonight.

Whenever I start to clean my room, I always end up sitting on the floor with my back against my bed, thumbing through my blue binder, full of letters and photos from my best friend and reliving our adventures and story. That leads me to my iTunes playlist with over 50 songs that he made for me almost a year ago titled "this is love" and i finish cleaning my room listening to it and sometimes singing along. It's a really good playlist.

But there are a few songs that when they start playing, I am physically frozen in the middle of whatever I'm organizing because I am reliving a moment or a memory. And I realize that I am so grateful for memories and for the opportunity I have to escape to them every once in a while. I've learned that there is a fine line between living in the past and visiting the past. One has the tendency to destroy a person, the other has the ability to strengthen a person. The past can't be changed and that's a hard thing to come to terms with at times. But, I've realized that the past builds our futures. We are literally built out of experiences; things we've done or seen or been through. What's the point of doing something if you can't remember it or visit that memory? How are you to remember the things you have learned or the people who changed you or inspired you? Living in a memory isn't wise, but living with memories makes all the difference.

I embrace my memories-the good, the bad and the beautiful. Especially the beautiful. Without taking the time to remember my life, I forget the things I learned, and I have done an awful lot of learning over the last five years.

So tonight, I'm going to fall asleep while wandering in memories of late night drives and icy air, the wave of headlights running across the back wall of a guest room, blue bows and bare feet, the feeling of a bald head under my hand and the beep of an IV pole and the sound of a clear river running over boulders. Because my memories make me who I am.

don't panic.

because all the hurts and heartbreak have been put to rest a long time ago.

and being alive has never felt better.

remembering memorial day

memorial day 2010: weirdy dreams, sleep paralysis, studying hard core for humanities test tomorrow. Quizos cravings, homework down by the river, rain rain rain, jamba juice, family guy, new friends who make me laugh hard and who don't mind my random blurbs, death cab for cutie, "there are two of us, what can they do?" "they can still SHOOT us!" my life is beautiful.

Funny to think where I was a year ago. I had a crummy knee and I was just figuring out my hip problems. I was adjusting to life in Rexburg without my brother. That weekend was the first weekend I spent time outside of class with Dustin; where our friendship started. I'm pretty sure that was the day I said: "There is no R in New Hampshire" and he laughed at me and I felt so dumb. And now, a year later, my best friend is currently serving IN New Hampshire. I am in the middle stages of a long recovery process from getting my knee replaced. I finally have concrete plans to study abroad next year. I'm making all my own plans and I'm stronger in my testimony and in my faith then ever before. 

and as hard as my days may be sometimes and as much as I miss being down by the river with my roommates, and drinking Jamba Juice and watching family guy with Dusty; I have New England, a new knee, china, dunkin donuts, and an incredible family, ward and stake that are all supporting me as I work hard to overcome my trials. I will be sitting on the deck of my beach house this memorial day, in a totally different place and time then I was last year. 
And my life is still beautiful. 

Meet Symone

She made killer homemade oreo cookies and lived across from me in 109. 

my third day in Idaho, my third day on being on my own, I found myself sitting in her kitchen, eating one of those oreo cookies. Little did I know that cookie was the start of a (almost) three year relationship with this sassy, funny, kindhearted "puerto rican" Washingtonian girl.

Meet Symone (aka Misao):

Symone is dvd collections, funny phone calls and good music. Symone is constant calls to her mom. She is puddle jumping in the middle of a down pour. Laughter and duets. She is a listening ear and sleep talking. "THIS is where I dance." Misao is hair dye and photographs and coloring books. She is scripture markings, sound effects and compassion. She is a woman who can take any army man. Errand runner, FIVES champion and my twin. Misao is courage to take on anything that comes her way and forgiveness towards anyone who needs it. Symone is happiness. 

 

 

I got a lovely little care package in the mail from my adorable roommate this week, full of fun and random things that made me laugh and made me happy. It was so thoughtful of her, but then again, Misao is one of the most thoughtful people I know. I was sitting here, thinking about how grateful and blessed I am to be able to say that I have lived with my roommate for two and a half years. People always look at us like we're crazy, because who gets that lucky with a roommate? 

Me.

Symone has pulled me through every tough time I have ever faced, has listened to me rant and has stood by me when I felt alone. She has never let me down, and always is there for me. 

Do you ever get those random waves of gratitude for someone in your life? You just all of a sudden realize that you wouldn't be standing straight if that person wasn't there, and that you can't see your life being as bright and beautiful without that person being in it? That happens to me a lot with some of my closest friends, but it happens most frequently with Symone.

I'm grateful for Misao.

I'm grateful for the way my life has been shaped so that we crossed paths our first semester.

and I'm grateful that we've been able to get through every tough thing thrown our way

together.

Symone is not just a friend.

She is my sister.

and you can read her lovely thoughts and such here.

I can't believe...

...that I am entering my last week in Rexburg for quite sometime. I am so excited to go home; to breathe solid New England air, to spend quality time with my ocean and summer and getting my freckles, to hang out with my family and to learn more about the beautiful individuals my siblings are becoming. I can not wait to invest time in things that I haven't had the ability to do lately, like reading classic novels and learning Spanish and Chinese and writing long letters to my best friend. I'm anxious, but overall, excited to get my new knee and to recover and work hard to be walking right for the first time in five years. I cannot wait to spend time with my kitty and to sleep in my big, glorious bed and to watch the fireflies come alive on hot August nights as the sun sets.

but honestly, I'm pretty sad about leaving Idaho. Rexburg has been my home for the last year and a half. Some of my favorite memories; my very best friends and the spirit that has taught me and shaped me into the person I am today are all here, in this small little town. There is a spirit and feeling about Rexburg that has change me, for the good. I am better here. I understand life here. I'm closer to God here.

because, when it comes down to it, I didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be until I came here.

As cold as the winters get, and as dull as some nights can be,

this beautiful skyline and the countless stars that are scattered across the sky

the sand dunes, the big hill and the roads that only Cazz and I seem to know

this is where I figured myself out.

I know who I am now.

and I know where I want to go and who I want to continue to be.

So maybe it's okay that I'm leaving now, because I've got it figured out.

Thank you, Rexburg.

My heart may always belong to New England, but a large part of who I am is all thanks to you.

color my world

if i could take that ride on the dirt bike down the hill;

you know the one,

 you drove too fast, on the last warm day of fall.

i still remember the last of the sun beams hitting my back and you screamed

"I love you!"

for the whole world to hear.

and if i could take that moment i stood on top of the world, 

with nothing but new england air and the smell of birch trees in late fall.

the lingering of morning dampness in the creases of my elbows and the

smell of pine on fire and bacon popping over the griddle...

and if i could take the feeling of winter's chill wrapped around my home

and the gentle roar of the fire in the iron vault

and the soothing rumble of a kitty's content purr

pressed against my toes...

and if i could take that evening thunderstorm rolling over the atlantic ocean

over the beach and out towards the heavens,

my feet resting on the railing, cracked with old blue paint

and sprinkled with a few stray raindrops,

the crests of the waves illuminated in split seconds of blinding truth

the rush of tides pounding in time with the rumble of the storm...

and if i could take that jeep ride in the summer rain

and the day you told me you loved me

if i could take the words: "your hair will grow back now"

and winding roads of yellowstone...

if i could take the sunrise over the caribbean in late april,

and the taste of hazelnut hot cocoa on a harsh winter's day

and if i could take the warmth of my dad's hug

and your smile pressed into my cheek

and late afternoon naps in spots of sunshine

if i could take those moments and memories

and use them to color my world,

well,

i think i would look a little something like this:

and i knew it well

heavy emotions rendered limbs exhausted.
my knees bent firmly into fragile ribs
wrapped around an uneven boulder,
hewn from the cliff face of anxiety.
honey hair fanned out across dark denim
frozen in a motionless wind.

eyebrows raised at equations that didn't balance out.
unknown variables hiding underneath the deep earth of a bottomless ocean.
it was cold; and winter was on the horizon,
faintly glowing with the remaining embers of fires and memories of burning smiles.
The one that pierced me with your curious intensity across a crowded room.

you told me you loved me
and i knew it well.




i love you.
and i know it well.

i miss you.

rolling in the deep.

I've had the pleasure and opportunity to live with these two girls since my second semester here at school. I am now in my seventh semester. It's pretty unheard of; roommates sticking together for that long. But these two girls are my second family and the ones who have stuck by me through thick and thin over the last two and a half years. I love them!

This weekend was a three day weekend (WOOHOO) and Symone and I went to Boise to stay with Jillise because it was her birthday! It was such a needed escape and fun-filled weekend full of laughter and adventures and junk food.

Hi-lights included:

-Seeing I Am Number Four (super good!)

-Walking into the theater laughing and talking before realizing the movie before us wasn't out yet

-My mattress exploding in the middle of the night

-"Symone, you are so Authentic..."

-"Make sure you bring me a box for my food!"

-"I FORGOT MY BOX!"

-Sleep talking

-Birthday Cake and inhaling a whole bag of pretzel M&Ms

-Symone and I belting Adele's new single: "Rolling in the Deep" at least eight times on the way home

Needless to say, it was a fantastic weekend. Now I am back, finishing up some homework and getting ready for school and work and errands tomorrow. =/

it's snowing.

1. Too much base. I warn you as you slam on the clutch. The snow is grey and bites our hands as we dig. You are searching for something; even after the wheels are free. Following the never ending pavement, as far as she will take you. 

 

2. Void of socks. Half cross-legged, back against the wall and empty wrappers in our laps. Satisfied bellies, and I lay my head on your shoulder and watch the hem of my pants start to dry. Surrounded the constant rumbles of night life. Lost in our own moment of quiet contentment as my breathing falls in time with yours. 

3. Knee aching. Pins and needles reaching for the extremities. The echo of the wood stove burning comfortably and kitties curled up on the hearth. Deep contemplation and resolutions. The pendulum of decision making swings back and forth, with constant momentum. 

The snow quietly falls on the skylight-gathering until i'm encompassed in the soft glow of fire.

giggles from today

Kevin: "Ugh, this is soooo stupid, why did I even take this class...oh. i should just sniff this cleaner."

Symone (holding up a piece of cloth): What is this for?
Chelsie: "Oh, that's for the heating pad. you can make it wet."
Symone: "....Somehow, putting something wet on something plugged into the wall doesn't sound that appealing to me."
Chelsie: "...Oh. good point."
Symone: "But we can hold on to it."

Erin: "I just want to....shove her under a blanket and hide her somewhere."

Infinite

Just watch Erin at 2:15

The Hill and The Kill

and Cazz Remedy.

My roommates and the late summer wind in my hair and just screaming our hearts out.

i love this day.

in that moment, i swear we were infinite.