There are a couple things I REALLY want to write about...
but I can't. yet.


1. I think planes should stop crashing. seriously.
2. I need to get this frosting out of my hair.
3. I hate humanities critical responses. They are the bane of my existence 
4. I am actually really irritated about something I just read and I want to tell someone about it, but he won't pick up his phone. surprise surprise.
5. Mental note to offer random people rides when my car is out here.
6. I need a nap today. no questions asked.
7. He called back. Venting complete. Thank you.
8. I really do not want to get out of bed.
9. My roommate, who went to bed later then me, and does not need to get up at this hour of the morning, just got out of bed.
10. If she gets in the shower right now, I might have to kill a cow.
11. I would never kill a cow. I don't know why I said that. That would be horrible.
12. I really need to find the time to make it to the library sometime this week.
13. I also need to go to the post office. soon.
14. I love lists. I've been making myself to-do lists on post-it notes on my computer every single day. I love crossing things off, and feeling like I am accomplished.
15. In fact, sometimes I put silly little things on said lists, so I can cross them off and feel accomplished.
16. FACT: I can not wait to go to bed tonight.
17. I've been craving Lord of the Rings or Pirates like none other. I want to correct this soon.
18. I think she is out of the bathroom. Hi Misao! You are going to be reading this soon.
19. I'm in love with this song the Jillise showed Misao, who showed me. I think it is the cutest thing ever. I'm going to put it on here. Eventually.
20. I have to piddle. I'm getting out of bed. 
21. I want to end on a random number on this list.
22. I keep on looking at my fingers and freaking out because my rings are not on them. But then I remember they are in the kitchen and that I took them off when I was using the crisco yesterday.
23. MISAO! we have a giant thing of cookie dough to devour.
24. Okay. this is a long list. twenty four is a good number to stop at. I am done.


Refreshed, Recharged and Ready to go.

Yesterday, Symone and I found ourselves squished in the back of a small Hyundai Accent on our way down to Provo. Even though the reason we made this last minute trip is a sucky one, it was so nice to get out of the Burg for a little while. Misao and I have become quite the home bodies this semester. We keep to ourselves much more, stay in and keep our heads buried in school work. It bothered us at first, but we've become more at peace with is now, and have accepted out laid back social life and our more school structured schedule.

But this weekend, we found ourselves back in the company of one of our favorite people and one of our best friends once again. It was a much needed break from everything we were dealing with. Everything was completely let go, and we were able to recharge and refresh ourselves with the few hours of genuine company and friendship that we have missed so dearly the last month and a half.

In the moment that we found each other among the many faces in the mall, everything disappeared and the only thing that mattered was that I was once again reunited with the two people who were my constant 24/7 companions, my best friends, my family.

Today, we drove to Layton, Utah, to pay our respects to our friend, Josh. Funerals are always hard, but this was one of the hardest ones I had to attend. My heart broke multiple times for his family, his friends and his beautiful girlfriend. I can't really describe how tangible their pain was. 

I am thankful for the realization of how precious life is. Once again, I am reminded to never take those who I love for granted; to appreciate those who have touched my life and who have taught and inspired me. I never want to let the people who I love and who mean something to me not know how I feel. 

I think for every future blog, I'm going to write a message to someone about how much they mean to me. Or something.


Leaving Mike today was hard, but it was with the hope and promise of once again being reunited in a few weeks that made it a bit easier. It is the impending goodbye that will be hard. 

I forgot how perfect life can seem when you are with the people that you love and trust and who understand without words, and whose company in which you feel completely content. I adore Mike and Symone, and I am so thankful for their friendship.

So, I am back in the Burg and recharged and refreshed from my weekend with two of my favorite people. Time to put my head down, go back to work, and get through twenty six more days.

To Misao: Symone, you are one of the best things that has happened to me out here! I am so thankful for that random day where we decided to put pink streaks in our hair last semester. You are my long lost twin, and I couldn't have picked a better person to be my roommate. Thank you for putting up with me, my mood swings, my late night and early morning phone calls; for giving me reality checks and attitude adjustments when I need them; for caring about me, for becoming part of my family. You are one of the best friends I have ever had, and I know I can go to you for anything and everything. You have taught me unconditional love, patience and understanding. You have been a life saver to me and I can't wait for the many semesters, adventures and travels that are going to come our way. I love you!


Oh New Hampshire.

So, my daddy sent this to me the other day and it made me smile.
It also made me miss the East, New England and New Hampshire very much.

A man in Topeka, Kansas decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working his way East. Going to a very large church, he began taking pictures, making notes and talking to religious leaders. 

At one church, he spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued when he read the sign. "Calls: 10,000 dollars a minute." Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. 
The pastor answered that this golden phone was, in fat, a direct line to heaven and if someone pays the price, he can talk directly to God

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued to visit churches in Seattle, Denver, St. Louis, Chicago, Milwaukee, Atlanta, New Orleans, Dallas, and other major cities in the United States, he found more phones with the same sign and same explanation from each pastor.

Finally, he arrives in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Upon entering a church in Laconia, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: "Calls: 35 cents"

Fascinated he asked to talk to the pastor:
"reverend, I have been in areas all of this country and in each church, I have found this golden telephone and was told that it is a direct line to Heaven and that if I payed 10,000 dollars a minute, I could talk to God. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?"

The pastor smiled and replied: "Son, you're in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. This is God's Country. It's a local call."

I'm proud to be from the East, to be from New England and to be from the beautiful state of New Hampshire. I will forever and always be in love it it's groves of birch trees, grids of old rock walls, the majesty of the White Mountains, the windy Kangamangus Highway, the Pemigewasset, the Ammonoosuc and the Androscoggin Rivers, the small country towns of North Conway and North Woodstock, Franconia Notch, Twin Mountain, the reds, oranges and yellows of New England Autumns, and of course all 12 miles of solid, beautiful coast line.

New England, and more specifically New Hampshire will always be home to me, and I hope that some day, my life will lead me back there. 

crossing the state line into New Hampshire Coast Line. Taken by Ashley

Sunset over the marshes. Taken by Chelsie

The Marshes right before Twilight. By Chelsie

Another Sunset. By Ashley

An Incoming Thunderstorm. By Ashley

Thunderstorm over the Ocean. By Ashley

After the Storm. By Chelsie

After. By Chelsie

Sisters at the Beach. 

My backyard in the Fall. By Mom
Across Sunset Lake. By Mom

The White Mountains of New Hampshire. By Dad

My heart will always belong to New England.


Advice from a Tree and other random observations

Every Sunday, in Sunday School, I read this poster on the wall:

Advice From A Tree:

-Stand tall and proud
-Sink your roots into the Earth
-Be content with your natural beauty
-Go out on a limb
-Drink plenty of water
-Remember your roots
-Enjoy the view

This is what I have learned from a tree:

maple tree

1. Know who you are and be that without shame or doubt. Embrace your colors.

willow tree

2. Be solid in your values and morals. Deep roots mean you are immovable. Don't be afraid to stand knee-deep in the soil. 

birch tree

3. Love who you are, including your flaws and imperfections. They make you original and define you in the forest.

4. Don't be afraid of dreaming. Don't be afraid of following them. Don't be afraid of making them come true.

5.  Take care of yourself

6. Remember where you came from, who you represent, and how that effects who you are.

7. Enjoy Life. Love it. All of it. The storms and the wind and the snow and most importantly, the sunshine.

Birch trees are my favorite kind tree, because they scream New England. There are groves of them and in the fall, when they are turning color, it is the most beautiful thing to see. I love New England.

I want to be like a tree.

on the other side of observations:

My mom never fails to provide me the comfort and support that I need. She knows what to say and how to say it and is just in general, a wonderful mom, friend and example. I want to be like her. 
I'm so thankful for the support system I have out here in Idaho. I am so lucky to have the most wonderful roommates and friends. And I have two of the best guys in the world who have my back all of the time. I'm so blessed to have them in my life. They are such amazing examples to me and I have learned so much from watching them, being around them and even being away from them. Together, we all face life, hand in hand.
My hair is dyed again. It's jet black, with this awesome violet sheen when the light hits it. And there is some nice pink back in my bangs and in the back. I feel better now that my roots are gone. 
thirty three days until california. thirty three days until we will be together again and be able to fully appreciate every moment we will have together. That weekend will go by way too fast, but those moments will be etched forever in ourselves, so that when we feel most lonely, we can recall those feelings and know we're loved. thirty three days until the much needed reunion with the people who have become my second family.

I'm in love with a few new songs that I have stumbled across:

The Shade of Poison Trees
Dashboard Confessional

Dress your wounds
Test your strength
Feel the pain
Know the signs
Is there truth 
In your pain?
You decide

Make This Go On Forever
Snow Patrol

And I don't know where to look
My words just bend and melt
Please just save me from this darkness
Please just save me from this darkness

some amusing statistics:

IN-minutes (verizon to verizon) used in total this month in my family share plan (My mom, my brother, my sister and myself):6414
IN-minutes that belong to me: 6383

it is a good thing that my two best friends who I spend hours on the phone with have verizon.

I want to be like a tree.


Sledding is enough.

"I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. and all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't."

I really love The Perks of being a Wallflower. If you haven't read it, you should. It's amazing. But, I think that there is one small thing wrong about what Charlie says right there. I think that sledding can be enough, if you let it. Sometimes, the simplest things can be enough.

I have had a pretty yucky week. And I've been dwelling on it, and letting it get to me. I need to be a little kid again, and let the simple things, like sledding, be enough. I need to find the things I think are beautiful and let them fill me up, and experience all of the comfort and joy they bring me.

Jamba Juice-Strawberries Wild. Unexpected phone calls from people I love. "That's what she said" text messages. The Office. Good books (right now, The Perks of being a Wallflower, Les Miserables and East of Eden.) Warm Chamomile Tea in mugs. Singing to Disney Songs and making videos with roommates. The feeling I get when I hear the Text Message noise. The sound of windchimes. Waking up to morning breeze's that smell of fall. Driving down New England roads in Autumn, filled with oranges, reds and yellows. Strawberry Coolattas with whipped cream from Dunkin' Donuts. Freshly painted fingernails. Surprise visits from friends filled with much needed conversation and hugs. Garden salads drenched in Balsamic Vinagarette. Fried green beans with ranch dressing. Conversations held between eyes. Laughing so hard at the silliest things that my stomach cramps up and I can't breath and I snort. Late night walks with someone where silence is almost more important then conversation. Trying new brands of mascara. Nights filled with Nintendo 64, Super Smash and sound effects. The smell of coming snow. (it does smell). Running through sprinklers late at night. Driving to nowhere to look at stars. People who I instantly click with. Snuggeling with a friend who I know loves me. The feeling in my stomach when my favorite song on the radio comes on. Looking through pictures of favorite adventures and telling people the stories that go along with them. Discovering notes or letters from friends written years ago. Waking up and realizing I can still sleep for two hours until my alarm goes off. New hair colors. Back rubs. Warm blankets and towels out of the dryer. The feeling of love that fills me up when I see or hear the voice of someone I adore. 

These simple things are enough.


Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

I am not having a good day. I haven't stopped crying since two this afternoon. My heart hurts. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I'm shutting down, closing up, reaching a breaking point. The world is spinning around, and I feel like there is no time for slowing down. I need time to stand still for just a minute. I need just a moment to take a breath. I feel like I'm struggling to find air, and I'm barely keeping my lungs filled to sustain myself. 

I'm tired of watching my friends die.
and I miss my Maddie. 

I feel really heavy, like my body is full of lead. I really need a break. I don't really want to be here. I don't really want to be home. I don't really want to be anywhere.  

on the brighter side, I have an amazing roommate who loves me and I have an incredible mom who inspires me and keeps me going. My guitar callouses are pretty hard core and I'm getting better at playing.  Mike is going to teach me how to play bar chords. 39 days until California. Gosh, I need California. More importantly...I need the people in it.

I'm so tired. I think I'm going to shower and try to stop crying. 
And then I need to get out.




Robert Frost...sigh.

This is my all time favorite poem ever.
Robert Frost. New England. Promises and Sleeping.

true love.

Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are, I think I know
His house is in the village though
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farm house near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest night of the year

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake

The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep...
And miles to go before I sleep...