the China funk.

I realize I am lacking in blogging, again, which is so weird for me as I used to write frequently. But here is the truth: my life and the every day things I do in it seem so insignificant, when I compare it to what I was doing in China. I know, I know, I'm like one of those missionaries who can't seem to come home from their mission and won't stop talking about China. But I get them now. When you have such a life changing experience; when you have spent every day serving others around you and never once focusing on yourself; when you have seen the joy it brings; when you learn how to love so fully and unconditionally-it's hard to come back from that kind of high.

Don't get me wrong. I'm content with where I am. I'm working hard, I'm staying busy and I'm constantly striving to be better. But I miss China, and even more, I miss serving there.

It's Friday night. I'm home alone. I'm exhausted from a long day of work. (and yes, I already took a nap). I've chatted with Jillise and texted Sam. I'm clean. I ate a bowl of rice crispies for dinner. I'm worried about Geoffrey and his back. I'm pouring through pictures of my kids and missing them. So, I'm going to watch Kung Fu Panda. Cute movies seem to solve everything.


a moment

"You will have a moment. That's all it will be. A moment and it will be like you never were apart."



I work with Camie and I like her a lot. She's funny and southern and speaks with a cute drawl at times. 
And she shows up at my apartment on Saturdays and drags me out of bed so she can go get Taco Bell and go grocery shopping. Grocery shopping sometimes turns into cactus shopping. And then we spend the afternoon repotting our cute little friends. 

Meet Xiâo Tōng. My cactus. In Chinese, it means "Little Pain."

Have I mentioned how much I have fallen in love with the Chinese language? I've never felt so close to picking up another language as I have with Chinese. Maybe it's from living in China for five months; maybe because there are only 400 sounds involved in Mandarin compared to the thousands in the English language. Regardless, I've never felt more motivated or encouraged about learning a second language as I have with Chinese. I miss it. I miss being surrounded by it and bargaining in it and asking questions in it and actually understanding (somewhat) the answer. And I want to do everything I can to keep learning it.

In other news, I've been on this weird Betty Crocker roll when it comes to cooking. Maybe it's this whole "I am what I eat" kick that I've been on. I'm trying to make a life style change and that involves eating better and working out. Here is my Sunday meal from yesterday: BBQ chicken, mashed potatoes, calliflower and a sour dough roll. Pretty dang good for myself, I think.

Have I written about how my best bud and brother I've never had, Geoff is back from his mission? Because he is! And I seriously couldn't be more happy to be able to text him on a general bases, to have his opinion right when I need it and to know that he'll be here in three weeks to keep me company and keep me sane while I get ready to tackle a super hard semester and the daunting task of welcoming Dustin home. 

Things that make me happy right now? Pot lucks at work. "Topless Terri" and "Cortugee" text messages. Books and library cards. Plans to see Julianna. Downton Abbey (I'm in love). White and straighter teeth. Good hair days.  Making money because I'm working hard. Writing letters to Dustin and even better, receiving them.

and the thoughts that have been bouncing around my head? They are still there. But I've organized them a bit better. I understand them a bit more now. And I know what I must be prepared to do; should the time come. 


and at once i knew, i was not magnificent

i was hit by a thought today; and it was a loud and scary one that is lingering in the back corners of my mind and refusing to be tucked away into deep storage. i can't seem to shake it and i think i know why. but before i do anything about this one little thought; i'm going to sleep on it. see how i feel in the morning. and then i will proceed.

until then, enjoy one of the most beautiful and magical music videos on the face of the planet.


in recap

I feel like I hit the ground, running, ever since I've been back in Rexburg. I've been working non-stop at the alumni office and it's good to be back in the swing of things. I spend a ton of time with the girls I work with, which is equally nice, because they are the only people (besides Symone and Trish) that I know in Rexburg right now.

I got my hair done yesterday in a final attempt to fix the damage that the Chinese did to it while abroad. I love it. And, to top it off, I got the sweetest note in the mail from Dustin and I got to hug my favorite Puerto Rican grandma. Camie came over later and Melissa joined us for watching really sappy love movies late into the night. Welcome to a quiet life in Rexburg during the seven week break.

Not only did I get to take a nap today, but I got to catch up with Juli and Brett and my Mom, have homemade Pizza Bread with Symone and Ryan, read some Jane Eyre and then video chat with Joe, my cute third grader from my homeroom!

I miss my students every day; and it drives me nuts at times to not know what they are doing. It was so awesome to have a piece of China and the love that I felt from my kids during my funny conversation with Joe. His English has gotten rusty from being on summer break, but he showed me pictures of his family and his grandparents and proceeded to tell me that it wasn't bed time and show me how bright it was outside in China. I had to explain to him that it was night time in America (and only got the point across with a translator). Regardless, it was wonderful to chat with him and to feel like I can still keep in touch with my kids. I love them. 

Tomorrow is pot luck monday at work (hawaiian haystacks). Symone and I are going to work out. I'm going to read and put a letter in the mail.

Life is good here. 


my greatest fear

I was angry. And that gave me the strength to fight.
The ground became illuminated by the stars
and I reached up and outward;
not caring. not wondering.
just fighting.

You refused to speak to me
and the silence was filled with worn tires on pavement.
The roads we have driven before;
the paths that knew our footprints.
but you did not know me.

you did not know me.