what it was like for me

That is what he asked me today, and I spit out a couple of words that probably didn't make any coherent sense because I was caught off guard. He seemed to accept it and our conversation turned to the next topic easily, but I couldn't get that question out of my head.

What was it like for me?

I was standing there, in front of hundreds of people and I wasn't aware of any single one of them. I was only conscious of him, down on one knee, asking me to marry him. I think he said my full name, but all of the details are blurred. This one moment; this one instance of impact that I had been day dreaming about for a long time was finally happening and in the most cliché way, time froze and alls I could think of was "yes."

Loving him has always been easy. Being his friend has always been effortless. There was never a question that I would wait for him. But the thought of spending forever with him had always been off in the distance; something that I never thought I'd finally make it to see. So what was it like for me, when he was down on one knee, finally asking me to marry him?

It was a fairy tale story that I could never imagine; that moment when everything I already knew became sure. It was a moment where everything was the same, and yet, everything had changed. And it was the realization that he really and truly is my other half; my better half and the love of my life. And that hole that was in my being for the last two years was completely filled up with his love and his kindness and his smirk and his laugh and the way he puts up with the way I tuck my thumb in between our hands.

I get to marry my best friend; and my life couldn't be more beautiful. And at the end of the day, when I'm sore and tired and overwhelmed with school and work, that is the thought I fall asleep too. And let me tell you; it puts everything into perspective, because none of those little things matter when I think about forever by his side.

He makes me so happy. And I am the luckiest.



60 degrees and the California sunshine soaking into my skin.
There is a blue bow on my head and curls in my hair,
and she leans into me and whispers under the hymns
"you kinda match him."
I smile, because we do and we know it.

We walk hand in hand along the front porch,
and they all smile because he's back, he's home.
And the California sunshine is soaking into my skin and I realize,
I'm home, too. 



I just looked at him from across the table, watching him bob his head to his music and as he looked up at me and smiled, I couldn't believe how blue his eyes were and in the gathering twilight, I thought to myself: "I am going to love him forever."



"It's okay to feel like that," she says. "I felt exactly the same way. But you know, and everything else will come with time."

And she's right. Because it's all there and I know it is and everything else will fall into place.


Teacher Shark

"She said that one of your kids asked for teecha chocolately."

They rememeber me and they miss me and my heart hurts but more with the love I have for them then anything else. Those kids made me a better person.


On fighting and waiting.

"life continues on and it gets better--and sometimes you have to fight for it to get better and sometimes you just have to wait for it to, and it's not always easy to know the difference, but there is one. and it gets better."



A Moment

I didn't even have to think twice. He was there and he was wearing that blue tie and there was a bow in my hair and the moment I had dreamed about for the last two years was finally happening and I was running and leaping and I forgot where I was and who was around me because the only thing I was aware of was him. He was real. And he was exactly as I remembered him down to the way his hands felt on my face and his chest rose when he breathed. And there was a moment that happened. And it was like we had never been apart.

And I knew that I loved him.



I have never been more proud of him.

See you soon,