Um, Macbook, this is not cool

Okay, friends. In the last 48 hours, my computer has corrupted my external hard drive and has possibly destroyed all of my photos, documents and music that is stored on it. It has ejected a memory chip all on it's own in the process of me copying files from it, and that caused it to destroy all of the data on it and made me reformat the card. And it seems as if my charger has become shotty and only wants to charge my computer when it wants to. Also, the internet has crashed at least five times a day.

So basically. I'm freaking. Because I'm about to go to China, and I'm taking on line classes, and if my computer has a melt down over there, I am screwed.

So, what do I do about this? Take it to a specialist and see if they can fix it and make it last? That will cost me money, for sure, especially since I'm out of my warrenty now. Do I just go to a store and buy myself a new computer with my credit card and pay it off in the fall with my loan money?

I'm so stressed out.

WAHHH!

Until Sunday

I know, I know. I have utterly failed at blogging over the last couple of weeks. I have been on. the. go. So much to do, never enough time to do it. Heck, my last letter to Dustin was a paragraph a day for almost a week (and that is saying something). I'm focused and exhausted and entering my last push for the semester, so I probably won't be writing anything for the rest of the week. Just wanted to say that I'm alive. I'm kicking. I love my life and everyone in it. I know who I am, and I know where I am going. I'm loved. and I'm going to be home on Sunday.

Peace, Love and Chemo!<3

finals week

98% of my room is packed up and stored away. Two papers, two finals and two portfolios stand in the way of me and being back in New England. Almost there. Almost. there.

the most wonderful time of the year.

well, not really. I love Christmas, but I hate finals week, especially when it means leaving early, working extra hours and moving out of an apartment AND trying to spend time with my cute roommates. Am I exhausted? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Yep, of course. But, because this will be my eighth semester surviving finals, I also know that in just over a week, I'll be home. I'll be happy. And everything will be what it is, no matter what. So, I'll just keep my head up and pushing forward.

Peace, love and chemo!<3

progress

Homework List for Thanksgiving Week:

-read "the hurried child"

-Outline and notes on "the hurried child."

-Read "why gender matters"

-Outline and grid "why gender matters"

-Read "boys adrift."

-Outline "Boys Adrift."

-Read outliers

-Teach outliers

-Write paper on Survival in Auschwitz

-Creature for the Hobbit

502

502nd post. woo.
Cazz hit 100,000 miles yesterday. And yes, I did sing happy birthday to him, although I realize that doesn't make much sense. I don't make much sense.

it's late and I'm exhausted. Today was super busy.

Misao and I got up at eight-hit the book store, viking books, jamba juice and the office of my apartment complex. We grabbed Jillise and drove to IF and hit winco and super walmart. Came back, unpacked and put things away. Dusty came over and helped us haul out Misao's stuff from Russell and Trish's storage shed. He hung around for a while which, as always, was fun and a work out for me. Later, Symone realized her mattress pad was missing, so after we got terrikayki (i'm too tired to try to spell that right) we went to Walmart to get one, and ended up hanging around there for a while we waited for them to stock the racks like some lady told us. Turns out she was wrong. But I bought rootbeer, so it wasn't a complete wasted trip. After, I went to see Rocio and we ended up talking for a long time. It was really good to catch up with her. I needed that more then I realized.

I'm so tired and classes start tomorrow and I have to go back to work and I'm suddenly very overwhelmed. It's stupid. School hasn't even officially started and I am stressed. Ridiculous.

I have a lot to figure out and a lot to think about. Things are always changing. I need to face the facts. Listen to the music. however that saying goes.

and i would just like to sleep forever.

over thinking

i am a pro at over thinking things.
but most of the time, my over thinking turns out to be right.
and i would really really really like to be wrong this time.
just saying.

I got to drive West Road today. and driving those twisty, sharp corners always makes things better.
Ashley has her best friend sleeping over tonight, which means I get my big, beautiful, glorious bed to myself.
and i successfully have down tuned my guitar without seriously messing it up. or breaking strings.

move along. oh move along.

really?

i really don't want to leave New England yet. I love being home and two weeks has been far too short to see everyone that I wanted to see and do everything that I wanted to do.

that being said.

I do not want to have to be stressed out about getting back to Utah, but I already am. In true New England style, a huge storm system is moving in tonight and looking like it will stay until Sunday night. And of course it is going to hit the Coast more then it will hit in land. And of course, I am flying out of Boston (a costal city) because my father did not want to pay the extra 40 bucks to fly me out of Manchester, even though my mom told him it would be worth the extra money.

Geoff flys into Utah tomorrow morning and is already waiting an extra day in order to pick me up at the airport Sunday morning and I do not want to make him wait any longer. And if this storm system really delays my flight, (maybe moving my landing date to Monday, at the worst) I can't ask him to wait for me. classes start Tuesday, there are books to be bought and grocery shopping to be done. But that leaves me with the whole: how do i get up to Idaho if Geoff leaves without me? and how do i get to my car, which I left with Shelly and Brian in Idaho?

ugh. i love traveling but i am beginning to absolutely HATE actual traveling. This year has been the most stressful by far. The whole Hamilton Fiasco followed by booking the wrong flight when Hamilton didn't work out, and then my flight getting cancelled to boston at the beginning of break, and now I am not sure if I will get back to Utah/Idaho when I am supposed to.

Why can't traveling ever go smoothly for me?

cure

She's seven and she's been fighting since she was three. She loves Bon Jovi and my little pony and Hannah Montana. and her options are running out. She's seven.

Mary has been one of my favorite little girls and one of my inspirations to keep pushing forward. I met her at the beginning of her fight and while I have found my cure (hopefully), hers hasn't been found yet. Her options are running out. Her mom posted the following on her carepage the other day:

Mary: mom, when I die, will you put all of my American Girls and their stuff at my grave? And whitey (her blankie) too? I will miss whitey.

Me: Well I think that you can have this conversation with your own kids b/c I plan to head to heaven long before you?

Mary: Ok. (pause) But what if they can't fix my cancer and I die? Pinky swear ok?

Something I struggle with constantly is watching my friends who are younger then me not have a cure. It makes me feel almost guilty for being alive and healthy and living my life while my beautiful friends are still fighting; or who have already lost the fight. They have so much to live for, and so much to give and I know that whatever happens is part of the plan, and that I need to have faith and trust that things will be okay, but still.

If I have to watch another one lose the fight...

ed200 grade=back to a b minus.

world foundations papers=turned in

math take home final=completed

church history final testimony=bore.

PROGRESS!

still to come:

Science final=tonight

History Final=tomorrow

selling back books=in a half an hour

white glove=tonight

packing=tonight.

I CAN DO THIS!

goals for today

Goals for today:

1. Math Test

2. Return Movies

3. Rent Movie for FHE

4. Get Quartah's for laundry

5. FHE

6. World Foundation Homework

7. Start World Foundations paper

8. Finish ed200 Brochure

9. Write final ed200 paper

10. Try to be in bed by midnight, if not earlier.

I can do this. i can do this. i can do this.

I'll be home for Christmas in five days, back in my bed, with my kitties, in my room, in beautiful New Hampshire.

I am so excited.

the calm before the storm

The things I need to get done this week for school:

• Catch up on all of my science homework
• Catch up on my math homework
• Start to study for my history exam
• Get my Church History paper going
• Start on my Ed200 final brochure
• Start on my World Foundations Papers
• every thing else homework wise

Things I need to get done for myself:

• Start to seriously clean my room in preparation for white glove (Closet tomorrow, Under the bed Wednesday, Desk Thursday, Bookshelf Friday)
• Go grocery shopping tomorrow! I need some wheat thins and milk, but that is it.
• Christmas lights for our apartment
• Go to the book store sometime this week and start getting things for family
• actually, I should make a christmas list
• Call Juli and read her the draft of my letter
• Have Geoff read my letter too
• SEND THE LETTER. get it done and over with.

oh my gosh, my science teacher is crazy.

yes. I am writing this while in science. I'll fall asleep if I don't. This probably is the most painful class I have EVER taken.

I also need to spend time with Kevin, Jared, Brad and Derek. I gotta finalize plans for leaving next weekend. I was going to drive down and stay with Juli, but Geoff came up with the brilliant plan of me going down with him and staying with his aunt and uncles and going to the airport and then I wouldn't need to drive by myself or figure out where to leave my car. and we will be able to go look at christmas lights in temple square. YES!

I am so excited to go home. I am so so so excited to be back in New Hampshire and to see my family and my friends and to sleep my my big bed and to cuddle with my kitties. I can't wait to make the drive to Juli's house and raid her fridge and get China food, to take a nap on the Bratt's couch, to spend time with Allie by eating ice cream and watching chick flicks, to go on a photo adventure with Gagey and to have a craft night with Amy Lee. And I am excited to see the girls I used to work with this summer, and the girls who i counseled over during summer camp. Yes. and I am stoked to go spend time in Boston! Mom and I are going to spend the night there because i have an Early AM scan, but we always have so much fun when we are in Boston. And I will get to see Valerie and Caroline while i am in the area. yep. it's going to be a full-packed two weeks but I can not wait for it. I just need to focus on what is on hand this week, get everything done and I need to stop procrastinating. I need to set goals for myself and not let myself play until I have completed them. and that includes Poker Night, Chelsie.

okay.

ready. set. go.

here comes the storm.

end of the semester stress...it's baaackkk

today:

Work: 8-11. check.

Class: 11:30-12:30. check.

Lunch: 1-1:45. check.

Walmart run: 2-3. check.

Study for science test: 3-5. check.

Science Test: 5-5:45. decent grade. hopefully a scale to help out a bit. check.

Flute Choir: 6-6:30. check.

Home. Dinner. (sauteed sugar snap peas and a baked sweet potato). Check.

Three science projects. check.

Math project: check.

still to go:

history quiz. Science prep. Shower and curlers. bed.

tomorrow:

work 8-11.

Class. class. class. class. 11:30-4:15

library: 4:30-6

Math Test: 6-7?

Errands. Home. dinner. homework. Bed as EARLY as possible.

oh my gosh. can you recognize from the layout of this blog entry what I am embarking on?

yes, my friends. enter the last three weeks of the semester, a whole bunch of stress and no sleep.

blahhh.

but. thank goodness for work christmas parties, the locus, and good friends to keep me going.

onward

oh hey stress

STRESSED OUT TO THE MAX AND I HAVEN'T EVEN LEFT NEW ENGLAND YET!

seriously.

Hamilton stalling out + grumpy daddy + who wants to drive with the car as is anyways=stressed out Chelsabelle.

Please pray for my little car, that things will work out and that we will make it to Idaho in one piece.

Last week of July. Enter.

I just made a Hamilton Therapy Mix cd that finalized the very late birthday package to be sent to California as soon as my paycheck comes in this coming week. My credit card bill came in and it's not pretty. I paid a large chunk of it right away, and hopefully can save the rest of my monies for the rest of the summer and not have to worry about the next bill until I get a job at school.

I need to stop buying music off of itunes. It's killing me. READERS: Send me mix cds of new music so I stop spending money! AHHH!

Two weeks of work left.

This coming week has four days of field trips, and everyone in my family will be gone at camps. Juli is coming to stay with me so I am not by myself. 

Next week is the last week of work. 

The week after that, Hamilton goes into the shop to get the brakes done and a new power steering pump.

Then comes family campout and beach week right in a row!

Then one week of packing, cleaning, trying to make some extra money, and then BAM! In the car on the way out to school.

time has been going by pretty fast. I feel like I was just leaving Idaho. and now I only have a few weeks until I am packing to go back.

money must be funny in a rich mans world

Oil changes coast about 40 dollars these days. No fun. That was supposed to go towards my credit card! 

I finally filled my time card today and I will be getting paid for 63.30 hours. about time! That will be close to 450 right there! 50 to my mother, 50 to the credit card and everything else to savings. At least one more big paycheck before camp ends, if not two. And then I will pray that some baby sitting/yard work will come into view in my last three weeks here so I can make a few extra bucks before heading out west.

I get a new phone next week, and although I would really like something high tech and wonderful, I know I need to make the sacrifice of not spending a lot of money on the newest phone and get something that I can deal with and works. I have looked at a few that I can afford and I think I will be able to manage.

My cd drive in my Mac is fried and I am bringing it in tonight to get it looked at. Hopefully my apple care will take care of it, and there won't be anything needed to be spend there. Fingers crossed.

I really need a job at school. I have a couple in's and I've been searching via the web for a few weeks now, sending my resume here and there and sending a few emails as well. Please pray that I find something or have at least a good lead to go to when I go back to school?

On the brighter side of things, life is going okay here. I'm driving Hamilton 24/7 now and I absolutely love it. I can't wait to have him out at school. Paying car insurance will be so worth it. right now, he's the only man in my life I need to take care of, and I think I like it that way.

Money woes are stressful, but I know I will figure it out. I like earning money and knowing that I worked hard for what I earn.

But sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be rich and not have to worry about this kind of stuff at all.

Will.......

A. It looks like I will have a 91 in Book of Mormon. Yes.

2. I got an A on my Humanities Final

C. I think my Middle East class is going to be okay.

4. I am all packed. Almost everything is at Jordan's, ready to be put in storage

E. I am trying real hard for a low B in history, but it might be a high C

6. Science...should be fine? I haven't really thought about this. I should study for that tomorrow.

G. Basically....it looks like I will have a 2.7 GPA this semester. Definitely not the best, but all's I am concerned about is getting off of probation. I am almost ready to say i WILL be fine.

This is just a random update. can you tell all I have been thinking/living/breathing/worrying/stressing about have been my grades?

I am so tired. Bed time.

Will?

So:

A: I should pass Book of Mormon with flying Colors. I might even get an A! relief.

B: I should have a solid B in Humanities. I need to talk to my teacher tomorrow and make sure my absences are all excused from my fall.

C: I got a 92% on my last middle east test today! YES! this is going to help my grade greatly! I also am going to make up two quizes tomorrow! I should get a C in this class, maybe a B-? 

C2: (i forgot science). I think I did okay on my last science test, but I am not sure. I did well on the first half of the final today (it was just a survey) and I need to study for the second half on thursday. 

D: History...my last worry. I have a lot of work to do for it still. I hope that I can find the time. 

E: Packing...started last night. Need to get that done tomorrow so that Jord and I can make it to the storage unit. 

F: I got a summer job at the town rec program as a full time counselor. I am relieve that I will have some form of income this summer. I feel blessed.

G: Hamilton was fixed as of two days ago...and broke down again. Daddy says he is back in the garage and hopefully will be ready to go when I get home.

H: I am so ready to be in California with Brian and Zandra! and I am really excited to see oregon with Vicki and visit the coast!

In conclusion...I think it is almost safe to say i WILL be okay...but I still don't feel that great about it...so Im still sticking with the should.

The Lord is on thy Side.

This morning was not good. I woke up from a dream, and couldn't fall back asleep. My mind started running about all of the things that need to get done in the next four days and I just felt like the world was placed on my shoulder. 

I have worked really hard this semester to get my grades up. I've been a little stressed about getting off of academic probation, but have been pretty collected about having the situation under control. I got an e-mail from the registrar the other day, reminding me that if my grades are not good by the end of the semester, then I will be suspended from school. It was like turning my blood into pure stress. I can't get suspended from school. I love Idaho, I belong out here and I can not face my parents if I got suspended from school. I would feel like such a failure and disappointment. 

I've been on work overload this weekend. I've been pouring over my grades over and over again.

I have an 82 in Science. I am studying hard for my last unit exam and my final exam. I am not afraid of this grade going down. I am safe.

I have an 85 in Humanities. The exam is a take-home and open notes. I have to finish a few culture event sheets and make sure my module exam grade gets recorded. I am safe in this class.

I have a 72 in History, but I have two weeks of work I need to catch up with, which will put me into the 80's. Plus, I completed the extra credit, which will give me an extra 8% on my grade. I am safe in this class.

I do not have a very good grade in Middle East, which is ironically my favorite class this semester. I fell earlier this semester and missed a few classes. Even though I got them medically excused, my teacher would not let me make up a few quizzes, which really hurt me. I'm going to talk to my teacher tomorrow and hopefully get that squared away. 

Book of Mormon is up in the air right now, but it should be fine. I will feel better about that grade when I hand in my extra-credit and make-up work tomorrow.

But. I should be safe. I should be fine. My grades should be okay and I should get off of academic probation. Should. I hate that word.

General Conference today was amazingly moving and really helped my soul.

There was one speaker who spoke of changes in our lives and how we must embrace them because they are part of God's plan for us. If we have faith and have good attitudes, then we will be able to see ourselves through the changes that we face and know that everything will work out in the end. As I sit here, four days out from the end of the semester; facing some very hard goodbyes and some very welcoming hello's, I know that these coming changes will be hard. 

But I also know that these changes in my life are all part of the plan that God has for me. I know that going home this summer, that Brian leaving and going on his mission for two years, and that whatever my academic standing ends up being are all part of the eternal plan that God has for me. I take comfort in knowing that even though I am not aware of what may happen, that God does and that he will not forsake me or leave me comfortless. 

These are my thoughts of today. I must turn back to my academics. Hopefully by tomorrow night, the phrase my grades should be fine will turn into my grades will be fine.

White Glove part 2

I hate white glove. 

I despise it. 

and I hate the fact that it has to happen two weeks before the end of the semester. It just so happens that I have finals, projects, presentations, and homework galore in the next week and a half, and I do not have time this weekend to spend hours on my hands and knees cleaning, packing, moving out, or whatever. ugh.

but. I will do what is asked of me, and try to be happy about it. A packed weekend means that it will go by fast. The faster that these days go by, the closer it gets to the end of the semester, and the closer I am to being back in California. (I'm excited, can you tell?)

So, just to make sure I do not forget anything, I'm going to list this weekend out.

Today(friday) consists of:

Class.

Walmart with Benjamin and Symone

Food with Benjamin and Symone

Home. Group Project with Humanities Group. 3-6.

Greys Anatomy

Packing/Cleaning room

Living room.

Julianna sometime tonight.

Tomorrow:

Finish cleaning livingroom/room for white glove

Clean checks 12-1

Group project for Middle East at three

Julianna/Jordan

Book of Mormon Homework/paper

History Work

Sunday:

Church and homework and Julianna.

ugh. I just want to sleep like a sleepy baby.

It's okay. I will put on some good music. I will eat chocolate. I will be productive. 

This will be done by tomorrow afternoon. Even if it kills me.