Christmas Weirdness

It was weird, this morning, opening up gifts with just the three of us girls and my parents. Weird to not be arguing with Jake over who gets to sit in the recliner by the fire. Weird to not see him jumping for joy when he opened up his beef jerky that Santa brings him every year. It was weird leaving for church in one car...in my car, because we only needed five seats to get us all to the chapel. It was weird to fit my whole family in one pew, weird to come home and look at our gifts without Jake being there to try to trade candy with us. It was weird setting the table and knowing he wouldn't be there. 

But then the phone rang. And my mom gave me a skype name to type in. And there he was. 

and for 45 minutes, it wasn't weird at all.

I'm so proud of my brother and the great things he is doing right now. I'm proud of the person he is becoming. 

I'm grateful for Christmas and for my family; for singing alto with my mom at the top of our lungs during the Christmas program at church today and for laughing when we hit weird notes. I'm grateful for my parents and their effort to keep us centered on Christ, for reading the Christmas story this morning before doing anything else. And I'm grateful for Christ and his birth. My Bishop said today that without Christmas, we wouldn't have Easter. Without His birth, we wouldn't have had His death and Atonement. Because He was born, I know that I can be with my family forever.

I'm grateful for this weird, but truly beautiful Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas, from me to you.

Grateful

I am grateful for the people who love me, and in turn, love him. 

Grateful

For my incredible forever family, who never fails to support me, believe in me or stand behind me in all that I do and all that I dream.

for my brand new knee and my second chance at life, for being limp free and pain free for the first time in over five years, for answered prayers and for miracles

for my two best girls, for their support and kindness and willingness to listen, for the way they open their homes to me and for the adventures we go on and the memories we have made, and the memories to come.

and for the love of my life, my best friend and missionary, for faith in our plan and for the gospel, for his sacrifices and for his obedience, for the blue bow and for knowing what true, unconditional love really is. 

I am so blessed. I am so grateful. 

Happy Thanksgiving.

Life last week.

1. Last weekend was my official 5 year remission anniversary. I hiked R Mountain with three of my favorite girls in celebration. It was really really really tough work and took a lot out of me and I thought about stopping and turning back multiple times. But then I reached the top. Tears just started streaming down my face; because I reached the top. I hiked a mountain and my knee didn't fail and I was alive.
I am a five year survivor. And my live is beautiful.

2. I already posted about shooting Elysha and Sebasthian last weekend; but what I didn't get to tell you was how they took me out for pizza after and came over Sunday so that Sebasthian could explain some of the photos Dustin sent to me a few weeks ago. That was really awesome. Have I expressed how grateful I am for them?

3. I have some pretty awesome friends who really love me. Like Ms. Symone; who left this really great surprise of all my favorite treats in my room on Tuesday to celebrate my five years of surviving.

Mama Bear Part 2

This was waiting for me in my inbox when I got home tonight.

You are going to China, Belle!   This is your "mission"-  Love Mom

So simple, so encouraging, and everything I needed to hear in that moment. Today has been interesting. I've been all over the place. It doesn't matter why and I'm not going to write about it because that wouldn't get me anywhere. But really. My mom is seriously the best. And no matter how rough my days are, or how discouraged I get or how hurt I feel sometimes, I know I can get through it because I have a mom who believes in me and who is willing to sacrifice anything to make my dreams come true. I never want to take her for granted.

I am from New Hampshire. And I'm gonna see it all.

starting with China.

Irene

"You gotta put it in at an angle" he says as he picks up the screw that dropped from my hand and holds it in the proper position as I align my electric drill and push it through the wood in one smooth motion. Demonstration understood, I proceed with my handful of screws and new found talent of using a tool more powerful than a hammer and continue to seal up the Upper Staff Cabins while the sun filters through the trees and the cicada's hum in the distance. We haven't had a hurricane in New England for about 20 years, as long as you don't count Earl, and that was a pitiful excuse of a rainstorm. This one though; this one is a tiny bit more intimidating and after screwing shut the last window shutter, I make my way to the small group of people huddled in the middle of the gravel path.

"Are you guys all set? Did Jimmy leave you a generator?" Ed asks as I load up my tools in the cubby of the golf cart.

"Yes, he bought me a small one to run the sump pump if we lose power. It will tie us over until he gets home. Are you all ready?" Mom asks, leaning against a tree trunk.

"Yeah, I installed the switch for our generator last night."

And I sit there, listening to them talk about plans and reassuring all of us that everything will be okay and I think about how grateful I am to be a part of the ward family and to be able to lean on others and allow them to lean on me. I think about how safe I am, even though the storm is starting to pick up and the wind will be howling soon, because of the people who surround me here. And I think about New Hampshire and how much I love being a New Englander: bred to meet every kind of weather head on without blinking twice. Nothing phases us here-we just prepare and hunker down and say our prayers.

So tonight, in true New England form, we will prepare and hunker down and say our prayers and ride out the storm. The sun will come out after. It always does.

Wish us luck. See you all on the other side.

Meet Symone

She made killer homemade oreo cookies and lived across from me in 109. 

my third day in Idaho, my third day on being on my own, I found myself sitting in her kitchen, eating one of those oreo cookies. Little did I know that cookie was the start of a (almost) three year relationship with this sassy, funny, kindhearted "puerto rican" Washingtonian girl.

Meet Symone (aka Misao):

Symone is dvd collections, funny phone calls and good music. Symone is constant calls to her mom. She is puddle jumping in the middle of a down pour. Laughter and duets. She is a listening ear and sleep talking. "THIS is where I dance." Misao is hair dye and photographs and coloring books. She is scripture markings, sound effects and compassion. She is a woman who can take any army man. Errand runner, FIVES champion and my twin. Misao is courage to take on anything that comes her way and forgiveness towards anyone who needs it. Symone is happiness. 

 

 

I got a lovely little care package in the mail from my adorable roommate this week, full of fun and random things that made me laugh and made me happy. It was so thoughtful of her, but then again, Misao is one of the most thoughtful people I know. I was sitting here, thinking about how grateful and blessed I am to be able to say that I have lived with my roommate for two and a half years. People always look at us like we're crazy, because who gets that lucky with a roommate? 

Me.

Symone has pulled me through every tough time I have ever faced, has listened to me rant and has stood by me when I felt alone. She has never let me down, and always is there for me. 

Do you ever get those random waves of gratitude for someone in your life? You just all of a sudden realize that you wouldn't be standing straight if that person wasn't there, and that you can't see your life being as bright and beautiful without that person being in it? That happens to me a lot with some of my closest friends, but it happens most frequently with Symone.

I'm grateful for Misao.

I'm grateful for the way my life has been shaped so that we crossed paths our first semester.

and I'm grateful that we've been able to get through every tough thing thrown our way

together.

Symone is not just a friend.

She is my sister.

and you can read her lovely thoughts and such here.