eight days

I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday.

note to self: remember to breathe.
everything will be right again in eight days when i'm back with my roommates and my friends.

handicapped parking and f-16's

first of all, my bed frame is shaking and creaking and I, for the life of me, CAN NOT FIGURE OUT WHY! I mean, I'm just lying here, with my kitty and not moving at all. It's creeping me out. It doesn't help that I have Paranormal Activity in the back of my mind. Curse you, scary movies.

Today was amazing. In a nutshell, it consisted of waking up at quarter to five and rolling out of bed and running around with a chicken...wait...with a chicken? that's not right...LIKE a chicken with its head cut off. I'm exhausted, gimme a break! Anyway, getting out of the house this morning with all five of us kiddos and my daddy was very hectic. I couldn't find my shoes, Dallin was walking into tables and Tyler was falling asleep on the couch. We finally got out the door and in the car and down the street when it hit me..."DADDY! I LEFT THE STRAIGHTENER ON!" I don't even know what I was thinking turning it on this morning, I left the house with my hair in a messy bun. Dad was not happy about that. So we turned around and went back home so we could unplug my straightener and finally made it past the Hampstead town line.

100,000 people came to the air show today and there were over 7,000 volunteers. And we ended up being in charge of the Handicapped Parking lot....figures, right? This is the story of my life. But it was actually really fun. My dad took care of the entrance, all of the kids spaced out around the four sections of the lot and I directed everyone to their spots. I felt kind of cool, I'm not going to lie. I even got to be all assertive and threaten to tow this irritating NON-handicapped lady who had snuck in the lot while my dad was talking to someone else and told my little sister that she wasn't going to stop her from parking in the compact car spot because she had a prius that would fit. Sorry lady, just because you can afford some stupid little car doesn't mean you can take a spot away from the disabled!

 So, from 6:30 AM until 9:00, we managed the parking lot. And then, all of a sudden, there were NO parking spots left....and a good 100 cars still in line, with more coming, all with handicapped status needing spots! MAYDAY! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

Of course, no one who is running this shing-ding has a clue what to do, and eventually they decide that we will have to send all of these poor old people and vets to the general parking area and have them shuttled to the entrance. The people in charge were too afraid to pass the news to the people waiting, so they tell us to go pass the news along. "Excuse me sir, but we don't have any more spots, so we're gonna need you to turn around, take a left and park in the general parking that is three miles away and wait in this heat for a shuttle to take you here." One guy looked at me and said sassily: "Are you surprised at the amount of disabled people there are in this world?" It took everything I had to not laugh and say: "Of course I'm not, I'm one of them."

anyway, they finally found us a new lot that was closer and so we walked over there, set up our system and continued to park people until 11. Lots of sunshine, lots of cutsie old couples and lots of grumpy people too. But it was an adventure!

we finally were relieved of our duties and went in to enjoy the show. it was super cool! There were tons of planes to look at! My favorite was the Black Hawk Helicopter. My dad is an aerospace engineer and he is the main project leader and engineer on the gear box (kinda like the transmission) for the Black Hawk. When I worked as a receptionist at his company a few summers ago, I got to see this huge hunk of metal become this amazing intricate and complicated piece of machinery on a weekly basis! And today I got to see in IN the actual helicopter and working! That was wicked cool!

We got our free lunch and then sat back and watched an F-16 and an F-22 fly around. Dad makes parts for those aircrafts too and it was cool to be able to ask questions about the differences in the jets and actually understand how they work. My dad may complain about his job sometimes, but when he starts talking about planes and watches them fly, especially ones he has built parts for, it's not hard to tell that he is passionate about what he does. That inspires me. I love my dad.

and man, after today, I am pretty sure I could watch those things fly for hours and never get bored.

We got to watch the Blue Angles fly for a while too; also super neat! And then, after a long and hot day, we packed it up, sat in traffic for a long time and drove home. Dad treated me and mom to chinese food tonight because the kids are all at a tri-stake dance. My bed is still shaking and my cat is currently being a bed hog, but I am exhausted and sore and I'm gonna call it early tonight and sleep forever and dream about being reunited with my roommates next week. yay!

but the sun always comes out tomorrow.

4 year old Jayla: "What happened to your knee?"
me: "Oh, i feel down today and bumped it pretty bad."
Jayla: "That's okay. I fall down all of the time too. At least you have nice shoes."

trust your heart

if the seas catch fire

(and live by love

though the stars walk backward) 

drip drip drop little august showers

I should be getting my tan on instead of trying not to drown right now. Beach week for the Whitney clan is always the hottest week in August and this year, I find myself wrapped up in a sweatshirt and blanket and a steaming mug of hot cocoa to my left.

I’m not complaining. It’s just ironic. Especially since I’ve been fighting against claims that New England is dark and gloomy since May. Because it's not...usually.

But I digress.

I love hearing the constant roar of the ocean right outside my door, the wind howling around the house and the comfort of a good book waiting for me to dive into. It’s nice to not have the internet to waste my time on, (well, I hacked into someone’s internet successfully right now to post this and facebook stalk) and to turn my phone off because I have no service and to just escape from everything for a while. The air here is thick with moisture and salt and it’s refreshing and I feel alive.

There has been a lot of thinking going on since I’ve been here on the coast. It’s probably too much and it’s probably not healthy, because I am a pro at over thinking everything.

I am so ready to be back in Rexburg. I’m bored here. I miss my roommates terribly. I miss the Klenotich sister fights, Erin’s stories and Anne’s sarcasm. I miss Jillise’s laugh and I miss staying up late with Symone and talking to her hours after our bed time. I miss music hour with Russell and Trish, drives down the big hill with the music blasting with Vicki. I miss afternoons spent in the basement of the Arbor Cove house with Kyle and Geoff. I miss quoting family guy with Dusty and Ryan. I miss being a sass monster and getting away with it!

I love New England, and I love my family. Being home has been nice. But every time I come home, it becomes clearer to me that Idaho is more of my home than New Hampshire is. I don’t really have friends here anymore. The people who know me, whose idea of fun is the same as mine, who I want to spend my time with are all in Idaho. My life is there more then it is here. And that makes me a little sad; but grateful for the people and the comfort I have found in Rexburg.

But I can't help but feel a little uneasy.

things always change.

on the plus side, tomorrow beach week starts.

today is not my best day.
today has been hard.

Thursdays on Lifetime

Mom: "I wish she would get that hat off her head...it looks like tinky-winky got caught in a windstorm."

a few minutes later...

"He's just trying to figure out if he's a man or a girl.."

22 months

it's been 22 months, Maddie girl.
Your mom emailed me the other day and I'm going to go visit her before I go back to school. I'll miss seeing your face while I'm there and playing Webkinz. I miss you always.

thank you for the strength you continue to give me and for the example you left for me to follow.

I love you forever.

i am powerful, despite my injuries.

Katie on band camp and other rambles

1. My sister on her first day ever of high school band camp with Mr. Adams: "It was fun. But it was weird, going back to Alto from Barry. I'm so used to relaxing my cheeks to get the big ones out...now I have to tighten them up and squeeze them hard...my cheeks are sore...MY MOUTH, NOT MY BUTT CHEEKS, CHELSIE!"
2. I have a giant chunk of flesh missing from my middle finger on my right hand that appeared out of nowhere while I was reading my book...story of my life? i think so.
3. Everyone in my family is a grumpy pants tonight. Ashley's plans fell through with her boyfriend and the electric bill for this month came back 70 dollars higher than usual because of running the pool, fans and dehumidifier. Daddy is not happy, Bob. Not happy.
4. "Look...it says I have mail..." "Amazing what computers can do these days." "Yeah...look, now I'm reading it."
5. Today I realized I was grateful for the countless tickle fights I fought over the last semester because my endurance has been greatly heightened and my dad has not won since I've been home yet.
6. SPOILER ALERT: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!
7. Why yes, Dana and I did take the super super super long way home tonight that required us to drive all of my favorite roads between Londonderry and Hampstead.
8. My mom is great. She's so funny and she has great advice and she is so generous and compassionate. I want to be just like her when I grow up.
9. I still haven't gotten Dunkin Donuts yet and I've been home for a week! I must fix this ASAP.
10. It breaks my heart to see how lonely my kitty is without his brother. Sometimes he just sits in the hallway and cries and cries. It's so sad.
11. Lot's of stars out tonight. I wish Juli was here to go night swimming with me, do our water ballet,  float in the pool hammock with me like the good old days. Life was so simple that summer.
12. My brother forgot his towel in his room and my mom gave him a dish towel to use. Hysterical.

baby, i like it.

Me: "That stupid Enrique song is stuck in my head. It's my sister's favorite, she plays it nonstop."
Allie: "Which one?"
Me: "...The Enrique song. My sister loves it."
Allie: "Yeah, which one?"
Me: "The "Baby, I like it..fiesta...da da da" one."
Allie: "No Chelsie, which sister?"
Me:"...oh..."

I love catching up with friends I grew up with and realizing that somethings never change.
and i really can't shake this stupid song from my head. going on two days now.

family

I am grateful for my family. When everything else is so unsure, I know they are always there to have my back. How comforting. 

Tonight, we sat down as a family and played a game for the first time since December. and it was hysterical! The game is called Telestrations, and it's basically telephone and pictionary wrapped into one. everyone gets a little book of whiteboard pages and a word. They have to draw that word and then pass it to the next person, who guesses what it is. Then they pass it and the next person has to draw a picture from the previous persons guess. make sense?

well, with my mom's artistic skills and my lack of ability to think quick on my feet, you get a good time.

one of my mom's words was bear hug, so she drew this:

which I actually guessed right!

Ashley drew this:

to which my father wrote:

and then you get a picture like this from my brother...

and the final guess from Katie:

my other favorite of the night was Katie's "canned ham":

which mom guessed right:

but I was pressed for time and drew this:

and Ashley looked at it for a while and finally wrote:

to which my father, baffled, drew:

and Jake's final guess ended up with:

Some days ... the whole world seems upside down.
And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.


just believe. 

over thinking

i am a pro at over thinking things.
but most of the time, my over thinking turns out to be right.
and i would really really really like to be wrong this time.
just saying.

I got to drive West Road today. and driving those twisty, sharp corners always makes things better.
Ashley has her best friend sleeping over tonight, which means I get my big, beautiful, glorious bed to myself.
and i successfully have down tuned my guitar without seriously messing it up. or breaking strings.

move along. oh move along.

the street I grew up on

welcome home.

hey soul sista

long day at the doctor with no real answers and more tests scheduled for the coming weeks.

i am anxious on so many different levels. my body clock is super screwed up from all of the time zones i've been living in the last week and i am trying hard to stay awake until ten. spotty service in my house means tricky texting.

on the upside, today was a beautiful New England day and a smooth drive into the city. My mom is hysterical and I pretty much peed my pants from laughing so hard when she voiced a flock of geese flying over the hospital. and, my sisters make my life so much fun and it's so great to be reunited with them. we've been making music and dancing the night away. this is my sucky attempt at playing Taylor Swift and us singing just for fun. love my fambly. 

New England Lovin'

fresh cucumbers from the garden, 

the smell of chlorine wafting through my window,

crickets and lightening bugs welcome the cool evening breeze;

New England sets my soul on fire.

home.home.home.

we were driving in your car

your hands grip the steering wheel

mine trace waves outside the window

the thick air rushing past us in the early morning hours 

and all of the lines from our favorite songs

quietly pulsating over the rush of the wind

somehow to say it all.

transformer belt buckle and death rings

i often take for granted how easy it is to be friends with Geoff. there is no judgement, there is no need to explain myself, there is no need to say some things at all; because he just knows me and he knows how i work and how i think. he can tell that something is wrong by the way I bite my lip or the way i scrunch my face. being friends with him is easy; being his sister is effortless.

I'm so grateful that I got to come spend time with him these last few days. I've needed the security and comfort of my brother one more time before I send him on his way to Seattle for the next two years. I'm so grateful for the love his family has shown me and for the beautiful souls i have come to know and love over the last few days. I'm forever changed by the Geddie family and I am so grateful for the new life lessons I have learned by being in their home. They are things I will keep with me forever.

today was wonderful. being woken up by the good morning song and the air being squished out of my lungs. arts and crafts store adventures. olive garden breadsticks. transformer belt buckle and power walking through the mall. movies that make you wanna dance. meeting someone new and feeling like you've been friends for ages. giggles and laughter and making plans for the fall. jamba juice strawberries wild. death rings. heart-to-hearts and pep talks. finding peace. fun pictures. cheese balls and more rat-a-tat-cat. teeth brushing and saying our prayers.

i'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life who inspire me and who take care of me and who love me for who i am.

life continues to be beautiful.

Sunday Morning with Lynn

it's humid here. walking outside is like walking into a swimming pool and i feel like i'm drowning every time i step out of the door. i don't know how i survived six flags on Saturday. actually, i didn't. after four years of keeping my feet on the ground, my stomach and my mcdonalds was screaming NO MORE after the second roller coaster of the day. combine that with severe heat and sunshine. not happy.

there is a wooden sign stuck outside of the front door. it says: "Geddie Zoo, do not feed" is big letters. It's so fitting, not because they are animals, but because of the good humored people who live in the first house on the right here on Hidden Trail Ln...one of the most beautiful families in the world.

church for Klein ward starts at one in the afternoon, but I wake up at nine this morning to a knocking at the door and "WAFFLES! WAFFLES!" being yelled down the hall by a combination of three kids. Geoff pokes his head in and laughs at the lines imprinted on my face from the pillow case and echos the yells down the hall: "Dad is making waffles." I groan and throw myself back into bed. my body clock is super messed up from keeping up with four different time zones. only a few minutes later does Daniel wander by my door and poke his head in. "Chels! Waffles!" he yells, looking at me like i'm crazy for not understanding how important breakfast is. I get up slowly and stumble behind him down the stairs into the kitchen. The whole family is gathered around the dinning room table and piles of waffles are stacked at one end. April looks up and waves at me. "You're beautiful!" she signs and i sign back, thanking her and asking if she was having a good morning. Everyone sits down and the feast begins. There is laughter and there is arguing and there is a baby black kitten climbing into my lap and trying to take a bite out of my waffle. it's chaos, but it's beautiful.

After breakfast, the girls and I sprawl out on the floor in the living room with the two kittens and their toys, playing with them and laughing at their silly kitten antics. Laura calls from the back: "Chelsie, mom wants to see you!"

I get up and walk into the dark bedroom connected to the living room. The only sound is of the fans blowing and the slight hiss of the oxygen tanks. There are stuffed animals everywhere and disney princesses and pictures and notes hanging all over the walls and it's very homey. Lynn looks up at me from the bed as I walk towards her side. "No, honey, that's not how it works here. You get in on the other side." I pause and then change my route, climbing into the other side of the bed, curling up on my right side so i'm facing her. We lay there for a minute in silence and then she begins to talk. and my life begins to change.

we talk about pain.
she tells me about knee replacements and how when she was little, she lived in san antonio and went to the zoo one day with her family after seriously hurting her leg. and she tells me about the sunken gardens and how much she loved looking at flowers, even as a little girl. we talk about dealing with pain and she asks me if i'm in pain a lot. "Constantly," i tell her, "but it's the kind of pain that you get used to after a while." She nods in understanding. there is some pain you live with every day that becomes normal and after a while, you just don't feel it anymore. The pain becomes a part of you and you forge forward because acknowledging the pain doesn't get you anywhere. And on days that the pain is worse; the days where you feel it more then usual, those are the days you remember that life is different for you and that things aren't normal. And then you count your blessings. pain is one of them, because you realize that you are blessed in so many other ways.

we talk about hope.
she tells me about getting into the medical field, even though she herself never got into the profession. "I say we, because when your husband goes into something like that, you do it together. it's a commitment that both of you make to each other; because you both need to support each other. so i say 'we'". Support those you love, because they will support you. She tells me about the times dad was working on the Peds oncology floor and about the children she met and the children she watched lose the fight. And she tells me about the church and how she held on to the hope of the atonement and of Christ. And I realize that hope is everything. Without it, we cease to live.

we talk about fighting for what we believe in.
she tells me about adopting my best friend. and how he wasn't supposed to live, but she fought for him because she knew that he was supposed to be a member of their family; because she knew he was supposed to be her son. she talks about fighting for every one of her children's lives and how every challenged she faced with them became a growing experience. She talks about the countless surgeries she watched her children go through and how she thought she was so close to losing April one time that the doctors told her to plan funeral arrangements. "But I knew, I knew that if I kept faith and I kept fighting, things would work out." fighting with love is the most powerful kind of fight you can put up. with love, you can do anything.

we talk about me:
favorite disney character-pluto
favorite princess-belle
favorite color-blue
favorite food-'well, i like m&ms'..."m&ms' are NOT a dinner food!"
favorite dessert-cheesecake
and then she goes on to ask about boys, family and cancer. "i expect to know these things!" she says when i giggle at her endless list.

we talk about dying.
she tells me about how she knew from her first diagoinses that she was going to die, and how dying is not easy. It's slow and it's painful and she worries about her kids. She's not afraid to go, but she's afraid to leave them behind. She talks about how she knows she doesn't have a lot of time left and she still has so much she wants to do. and I tell her that we'll do things while I'm here and we make a list of stuff to get done in the next couple days. And I think about how important it is to live life, to do things that scare me, to take the opportunity to learn things, to tell people i love them whenever i have the chance. I think about how hard it must be to lose the ability to do daily chores or to put away dishes and I vow to myself to never complain about taking the trash out again. "you learn to appreciate the small moments," she says quietly as her eyes droop shut. "because those moments become everything to you." she pauses for a moment. "Sorry, I'm drugged." and she laughs and I laugh with her because I know.

"you're a breath of fresh air," she says as I climb out of bed because I have to get ready for church. I tell her that i'll come back after church and we'll keep on talking. "okay hunny, i love you." she calls out after me and i think about how I've only known her for two days and I love her too and she's changed my life in more then one way.

is my blog template/background thingy not showing up?
rawr. i need to redesign soon.

look for some in depth writing tonight.

a movie script ending.

Passing through unconscious states.
When i awoke i was on
the highway.

overwhelmed. 

Down South

the air is thick with moisture
stretching over my skin
and reaching down my lungs
an unforeseen weight carried in the breeze
and onto your shoulders

i'm here.
and it's effortless...
effortless.

picky pizza orders

days have never passed as slow

as they do in this empty college town.

minutes into hours and hours into day,

living life by the clock, but longer.

afternoon naps turn over into evening slumbers

simulated breezes and echos of beeping

the scraping of concrete on top of concrete 

the nails on a chalk board.

music from the sky

bare feet on pavement

picky pizza orders

great whites

clean laundry

empty suitcases and organ ringtones

whispers of birch wood trees

stretch across grassy lands and rocky mountains

i'll be seeing you soon, New England.

I'll be seeing you soon. 

sista sista

Tuesday is almost over and that means I am one day closer to Texas and New Hampshire.
Pretty much all of my college friends are home and have been with their families for a while and it's been making me SO ANXIOUS to get home and see mine!

The one downfall to being at school here in Idaho and being a native New Englander is the distance. I can't hop in the car for a weekend trip back east and flights across the country are pricey. The two hour time difference makes phone calls hard to connect and I very rarely get to talk to my siblings. I feel distant from them and I am not a fan of that. Jake and I have made progress, but I am really determined to work on my relationship with my two younger sisters.

I am so excited to be home with Ashley and Katie. I've come to the point in my life where we are all at the age where we can be friends and not just siblings. Ashley is going to be 17 in a few weeks and Katie will be 15 in January. They are both growing into such individual, unique, beautiful young women and I hate missing out on that! Anyway, I am impatient to be back home with them and to spend time with them. We have so much fun together!

And take pictures of them, because I'm pretty positive my sisters are two of the prettiest girls. ever. They inspire me!

Two more eight hour work days, one four hour work day and one four hour drive until I begin a weekend full of being re-united with people I love and haven't seen in ages. Mike Face and Juliroo and Jord and Geoffrey in the span of two days! this time next week I will be in Texas and only a few days away from being in NEW HAMPSHIRE!

I can make it!

i'm glad my mother understands the importance of unlimited texting or else I would have been in big trouble today.

Thor the Oscar Fish

I live with the Klenotich sisters, Erin and Anne, who never ever fail to keep my life interesting. Erin has a problem with impulse buying and the following account is the latest trouble we've gotten ourselves into because of it.

The other day, the girls left to go get some french fries from Wendys. Two hours later they came back with a baby tropical fish they dubbed lovingly Thor and plopped him in a cute 1-gallon tank. Impulse buying at it's finest. We, as an apartment, have been talking about getting a fish for some time but were planning on acting on that when we were all back together in September.

Thor has been hanging out at Trish and Russell's for the last few days because no one will be here for a few weeks to take care of him. Yesterday, Trish called Erin to tell us that not only has Thor been eating fishy flakes by the pound, he has been JUMPING out of the water, trying to eat Trish's finger when she wiggles it at him.

(Baby Oscars) 

I wake up this morning to: "BAD NEWS BEARS!" being yelled in our living room. I walked out and before I could ask what was going on, both Anne and Erin look up at me from the couch with fear in their eyes: "We have a BIG problem."

Anne and Erin did some research on our new pet this morning (two days AFTER buying him, of course) Turns out: Thor is an Oscar fish, who are typically found in the Amazon. And our two inch little buddy will quickly grow to be 15 inches long or more. Not only that but:

-A large aquarium of at least 70 gallons is required to house a pair of Oscars.

-Oscars have hearty appetites and should only be kept with fish that are the same size or larger; smaller fish soon become a quick snack for the Oscar.

-Captive oscars may be fed prepared fish food designed for large carnivorous fish, crayfish worms, and insects such as flies or grasshoppers

-A very large Oscar could easily exceed 2 pounds in weight.

and oscarfishlover.com was quick to put erin's solutions about just getting a 10-galleon tank a rest:

"If you know anything about the Oscarfish, you will know that they get very big, and they get big in a relatively short space of time. They are also very messy fish, both in their eating and toilet habits. For this reason I would suggest that you set yourself up with the right equipment at the very beginning. I know that a 2 inch Oscar doesn't look anything in a big tank, but believe me, that 2 inch Oscar won't stay 2 inches for very long. Far too many people think they have got time on their hands when purchasing Oscars. They think they can house their little friend in a 10 gallon fish tank for a few months while they think about getting a larger aquarium. I am afraid that is not the case with Oscars. "

so now, not only do we have a man-eating fish in a tank that is already too small for it, we have to figure out what on earth we are going to do with dear little Thor, because we cannot afford to have a 20 galleon fish tank in our apartment! We'll get kicked out if we get caught! Anne and I both think the best solution is to bring Thor back to the store and get a Beta (like we had planned on originally) but Erin is convinced he'll die there. 

and no, Erin, putting a box labeled "misc." over the tank when our managers come by is not the winning solution. 

lesson learned: impulse buying fish that no one knows about (including the workers at walmart) is never a good idea.