Thoughts on Tuesday: Breathing

I've got to breathe

You can't take that from me

Cause it's all that you left that's mine

You had to leave

And that's all I can see

But you told me your love was blind

There was a day

You threw our love away

Then you passed it to someone new

You wanna stay

But since you wanna play

We can finally say we're through

As I lay in solitude

Oh What's a girl supposed to do

I Shake the very thought of you

Me together, I remember

Late nights when I stayed up late

All I do is wait and wait

Your never coming home to me

That's the hardest thing to see

I'll leave when the wind blows

Take a breath and there it goes

I'll be outside of your window

I'll pass by but I'll go slow

I'll leave when the wind blows

You can scream there's just echoes

Pass outside of your window

You'll be sad that you let me go

On every face you'll ever know

And everywhere you ever go

You'll feel when the wind blows

I am breathing. I will continue to breathe. 

I've put everything that held any kind of meaning away. It's all boxed up and stored so I don't have to look at it anymore. Feelings on the other hand, will take some time to remove. I knew that boys hurt, but I never thought the same kind of hurt could come from my best friend. Well. I guess that term doesn't apply anymore. 

My walls are going back up, my trust in everyone is more fragile and I will be more cautious then ever when it comes to love.

And I'm done looking for it. Not that I was looking for it in the first place, but when it is ready to come along, it will come.

I am going to focus on myself this summer. It's time to really focus on my goals and dreams and work on them and achieve them. I'm not going to talk myself out of things. When there is something that I want to do, I'm going to do it, even if I have second thoughts or I get scared. I am going to expand my horizon and try things this summer. And I'm going to go places. Even if it is on my own. I'm going to go places and see them and do things. And hopefully while I do that, I can put myself back together, because let me tell you, I'm in pieces. 

I need to work on forgiving and letting go and holding myself together. I need to work on my relationship with God. I need to put my trust in him and believe that he knows what he is doing. These trials are for my good.

I'm more excited then ever to get back to school and work on my education. I feel focused. 

Maybe, one day in the future, my friendship will be patched up and things will be better. I hope that there will be a lot of growing and maturing in the next two years, so when that day comes, I will be ready. 

I am thankful for the last words that I was left with. Even though I am hurt and I have been falling apart here and there, I will always remember what was said and keep it with me for the next two years. I believe that my best friend came back in those few minutes when he said:

"I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to. You are a wonderful person. Stay around people who respect you and who love you. Don't believe in limitations. Be Safe."

The world is my playground and it can be mine. I can do whatever I want with my life and I want to do great things. Not only do people believe in me, but I finally believe in myself.

This is it. 

I will begin to put myself back together and I will move forward. What is in the past is in the past. I've loved. I've Lost. I've Learned. I am thankful for the things that I have learned and the things that have been taught and the time that was spent. No regrets and I do not have any, and I want to continue to live that way.

These are my thoughts.

This is my prayer.