Sending Saturday: UGH

First let me state that no matter what:

I do NOT regret the last few months, nor the relationships I have shared and developed.

That being said:

I do know that my trust issues will be coming back. They already are here. 

I do know that people run. No matter what they say, they run. And right now, I wish I could. I wish I had the ability to run so fast and hard right now, and never look back. 

I am always going to doubt. I'm never going to let my guard completely down again. 

I am ready to be back in New England. I am ready for my bed. I am ready for my cats and for snuggling. I am ready for my family. I am ready for my car and long drives with the windows rolled down and music blasting. 

I am ready to be numb to this pain. Please let it go away. Please let the tears stop. I am so tired of crying. Please let me know that I can be on my own. Let me know that I can find happiness in other things besides the things that I have come to relish in the last four months. Let me deal with my feelings in the best way possible. Do not let me have any regrets. Please let me know that I can learn to be lonely.

These are my thoughts.

This is my prayer.