Structure is good.

As I get ready to go home and be free for the summer, I have decided that I need to put some serious structure into my life. Two of my very good friends are going to be serving full time missions soon and their lives will be full of structure. My roommate is at school right now, and in the school structure. My siblings and parents are still working and in school, and have their structure. I will be home, working eventually and spending time with my family and some of my closest friends. But this isn't a very "set in stone" kind of life-style. I know that if I don't have structure; if I do not have guidelines to follow for myself; then I will let some of the impending loneliness and heartache get the best of me. I can not allow this. I do not want to sink back into bad habits or thoughts when I have come so far and grown and learned so much.

If you couldn't tell from some of my previous and recent blogs, being out here and saying goodbye to my boyfriend is ten million bajillion times harder then we both realized or imagined. Things are more real for us and we are beginning to realize that some things must change so that Brian can leave on his mission fully focused and prepared and so that I can go on the next two years with goals and plans. 

Don't get me wrong. I love Brian. I'm overjoyed and full of gratitude when I think of the relationship we have shared. And here, at the end of all things (name that movie) we are enjoying the time we have left together and then we are going to put everything in God's hands. And as hard and hurtful as it is sometimes to know that things are changing for us, I know that everything will be okay.

But, back to structure. I want it. I am going to need it. Being home over the summer is going to be a totally different structure then this last semester was. Some people who I thrived off of and grew to rely on are not going to be around. Some people who I used to rely on, but have drifted from, will be around. 

I am ready for some structure. In structure there is safety. And God only knows how badly I need to feel safe right now.

So, I am starting my structuring with my blog. I have always wanted to organize it a little bit more anyways. Here is what I have got so far and here is what you should expect over the summer:

Memories on Monday: I am often reminded of funny little stories or adventures or just things that make me smile or think. I want to have a place for them.

Thoughts from Tuesday: The day when I lay it all out. What is going on in life, what has been happening, what I am feeling and what is to come.

Words of Wednesday: Today I read one of Zandra's friends blogs that was so funny and wonderful. Just random thoughts and funny little stories that seemed so pointless, but really helped paint the character that this person was. It inspired me. I think I will just write whatever little thought or story that is on my mind. 

Tempos of Thursday: Music. Whatever is reflecting my mood or thoughts.

Free Friday: Anything, really. Art. Music. Youtube. Plans. freedom.

Sending Saturday: I think I will use Saturdays to talk about my missionaries. Brian and Mike are going to still play huge parts in my life while they are serving. I'm sure I will have something to say about them.

Structure Sunday: ....structure....yes.

so. structure. It is needed. It will be my safety. It will be my saving grace.

Please let me have structure. Please help me focus on what I need to do, and how to do it to best of my ability. Let me feel comfort and companionship. Please let me feel at home. 

These are my thoughts. 

This is my prayer.

(I think I'm going to end my blogs like this for a while.)