stress.

My shoulders are so tense these days. 

I thought it was because I have been sleeping so funny and that it would go away after a while, but truth it, they are just as tense, if not tenser, then they were a few weeks ago. And it's not just my shoulders. I feel like every thing is tense. I try to stretch it all out, but the second I sit down and look at my computer, all of my muscles squeeze back in and tense up. I went swimming for the first time in three months on Saturday and for the first time in a long while, I finally felt stretched out. Of course, when I woke up the next morning, I was all tense again. 

My daddy called me today and as I talked with him, I realized that this tenseness is stress. Stress that I didn't even realize I had, or that I was dealing with, but stress that is very much there.

Where do I start?

This week is a good place. I have so much work to do. I don't know where it all came from, but I feel like I am drowning in the massive amounts of work I need to do. There just isn't enough time in the day. Every time I cross something off of my list, three or four things come up that need to be put on the bottom. It's a never ending list. I have so much reading, writing, studying, outlining. I feel the pressure of the end of the semester coming along, and I still have five weeks left! 

On top of that, my doctor hasn't sent me a letter to excuse my absences from when I fell at the beginning of February. I've called three times and left messages. I need that note! In order to go to California in two weekends and to miss class and not have it count against me, I need to get my previous absences excused.

I am so tired, all of the time. I've been fighting this cold/cough thing for a month now. It's dragging me down. Sometimes there is no way for me to make it through the day without a decent two hour nap in the middle. But lately, I just haven't had time. I've been sleeping deeper lately, more then likely because I feel safe and secure, thanks to someone who is always close by. It's been helping, but doesn't stop the fact that I am nodding off as I type this.

My dad and I planned my flight home today at the end of the semester. He then started going off on how it will be nearly impossible for me to find a job when I do get home. My receptionist job at Middleton is not going to be there for me anymore. The company already had it's first round of layoffs a few weeks ago. I was relying heavily on that job to be there for me. If I am going to come back to school in the fall, I need to have money. And if I want to have my car out here, I really need to have money. My parents can not cover my butt for much longer, no matter how much they want to. 

My room is a mess again. So messy, that my clean laundry is sitting in our living room because I don't really have room to put my laundry basket in my room. That stresses me out. I need to clean it.

I am so tired. I really want to nap, but I have so much to do today that I really do not think it's going to happen.

No matter what or where I am by the end of next week, I am so excited to be going to California. I need to get out of here, out of Idaho, and in the company of some of my favorite people. I have made a promise to myself that no matter what is stressing me out next week, that I am going to leave it all behind in Rexburg and completely and fully enjoy my weekend with my best friends. I need a break.

Anyways, I need to get going. Clean my room, do my B.O.M homework. maybe if I get all of this done before class at 3:15, I will let myself take a small power nap when I get home. maybe.