Sometimes I feel like I am doing all of the work when it comes to my friendships and no one will meet me half way. It's really frustrating.
Lately, I've been burring myself in work. I really enjoy my job and the kids I work with. And I am starting to really like the people I work with too. I find that if I keep myself occupied with work and put all of myself into it, then I can come home feeling accomplished and tired. I can go to sleep and not watch my phone waiting for someone to text me out of the blue or call me; or sit in front of my computer waiting for someone to message me. I feel like I'm always the one reaching out, which isn't a bad thing at all. I just wish someone would reach out to me once in a while.
As much as I love my home and New England, being across the country from a lot of my friends definitely has it's drawbacks. It is easy to forget the girl who is in a different time zone and on a different coast. Even my friends here seem really preoccupied with other things. Everyone has someone they would rather hang out with or spend time with. When I do hang out with my friends, I often feel like a third wheel. I love that my friends have other friends and are so happy. Don't get me wrong. But after a while, it begins to wear down at your soul to hear your friend go on about their friends, or to try to make plans with someone and then have them shortened or cancelled so that they can spend that time with someone else.The other day, one of my friends who I absolutely adore but don't see often, even though we are in the same state for the first time in a year said: "I'm sorry, I feel like I've been neglecting you."
I brushed it off, and said not to worry about it, and to not feel bad because we were hanging out right then! I felt so bad that she felt bad about me, and I didn't want that!
but truth is...yeah, I feel neglected.
Maybe I'm just having a random pity party. I know that my friends care about me and love me and I am grateful for everything that I've been blessed with. I have sisters and a brother and parents who I can spend time with when I am lonely. I have my books. I have my writing. I have my car. And I know I have God, who is always with me and looking out for me. I am grateful.
It's just lonely lately.
1 comment:
Chelsie, I love you. A lot. And I don't want you to ever feel like you are forgotten by me. That just isn't possible. I wish you were here, but I can wait 2 more months.
I love you, and will always remember you, even if I don't show it.
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