some last minute tid-bits

the path is not straight
mistakes do not have to be fatal
people are more important than any achievement or possession
be gentle with your parents
wear sunscreen
never stop doing what you care most about
learn how to use a semicolon
you will find love.

.

Erin: "I love putting up pictures of people I love"
Anne: Right, because everyone else puts up pictures of people they hate."

last day of July

it's been a quiet week in Rexburg, minus the constant construction in our parking lot that never fails to wake me up at 6:58 in the morning. four days of 8 hour shifts at the alumni office, lot's of SVU and reading on my new balcony. A few evening thunderstorms and puddle jumping with Trish and a new addition to our family. Constant texting makes far away friends seem near and i'm comforted. 

Bad things happen in three's but they always send me to my knees.

being able to pray is so comforting to me in time of need.

rhyming!

Lion hair all week this week. I forgot how easy wearing it like this is. 

new discovery: I CAN PUT IT ALL IN ONE BRAID! i've been waiting for four years to do that!

a few more long days at the office and the promise that there is

less than a week until I'm reunited with my brother! 

chicago is in illinois.

running

today is one of those days when I feel like the only way i would feel better is if I ran hard and fast for as long as I possibly could.

not being able to do that reminds me to not take the small, simple things for granted and to appreciate everything that I have. Sometimes things weigh me down so much that I don't know how I'm still standing, but somehow here I am, still on two feet. To those who have lifted me and carried me in all of my times of trial and need, thank you. I love you. I know that I sometimes dish out a lot. I hope one day I'll feel like I'm worth it. and I hope that someday, I can repay you.

stretch your legs out. wiggle your toes. count your fingers. take a deep breathe. listen to your heart beat.


tell someone you love them. right now. even if you told them this morning or yesterday or just a few minutes ago. you never know when that opportunity will be gone.

no matter what happens, life continues to be beautiful.

some goals and other things

another lazy day in apartment number 6. well, not as lazy as yesterday.

This morning brought an intense clean out of the kitchen, along with reorganizing every freaking piece of kitchen equipment, utiensil and tupperwear lid that five of us have collected over the last two-three years. On top of that, turns out our kitchen wasn't white gloved by the girls who lived here last semester. We found quite a nasty little mess under the stove. NOT HAPPY BOB, NOT HAPPY! But we put on some good music and I got out my sticky notes (can't organize anything without those) and we went to work. I'm pretty sure we all lost some brain cells from the oven cleaning chemicals that Erin not only applied in heavy amounts to the oven, but to the fridge as well....I don't ask questions any more with that girl.

Rexburg is the deadest (is that a word?) I have ever seen it. I've been here for Thanksgiving break, the week break between winter and spring and now for the beginning of the seven week break and it is absolutely empty. It's so weird to not hear people walking around outside, and to see porter park void of all happy couples. A totally different vibe; it's peaceful here, minus the beeping of the construction trucks down the block every few minutes.

What a week. Studying for finals and packing and MEETING PARENTS and spenging lots of time with the Alpine boys who keep me on my toes and my life a bit more adventureous. I hope it stays that way next semester; it's been fun being around them. Ugh. I need to work on being secure in my new friends, especially those who I've come to be closest with. My insecurity about people not loving me and fear of being abandoned is one of the biggest things I don't like about myself. I'm working on it though. This break away from some people will be good for me to practice trust and being secure in friendships and believing.

That being said; I was thinking about last summer and how hard I worked at being a better person. I made a lot of progress in that time and I want to take the next seven weeks to work on myself some more. Working on goals and being accomplished is always a good thing.

so number 1: work on that trust/being secure in my friends! there is no reason why I should be fearful of things changing; my friends have never given me reason to doubt it. just believe.

number 2: SWIM EVERY FREAKING MORNING when I'm home. Not only will that help my knee feel better and hopefully help my lungs get back to full capacity, but it'll be good to get into some form of regular exercise. Plus, mom said the pool was 80 degrees. Perfect!

number 3: read read read and write write write. English major; let's get on this! Beach week will be a major help; all of the time and the sunshine and the back deck and my favorite chair.

number 4: family time. I really want to work on my relationships with my siblings. I feel so distant from them these days and I want to be friends with them, because we're at that age when that is actually possible.

number 5: write my missionaries once a week. I haven't written to Brett in forever! UGH! I fail as a womb buddy! I should write to BP soon and to Jon and Benjamin and Jaron. They'll all be coming home soon. weird.

number 6: lose some weight and eat lots of healthy things from the garden!

number 7: scripture study and prayer. Both of these things I have been lacking in the last few weeks and something that was said to me in a blessing a week ago really stuck out to me and so I'm gonna act on it.

ummm, that's it for right now. I think that's enough. Seven Goals. Seven Weeks. Let's improve some things!

homeward bound

Two and a half weeks and a slight detour to texas is all that stands between me and being in New Hampshire. I can't wait.

Winding roads, White Mountains, Atlantic Ocean, and lots of trees. I'll see you soon.

New England sets my soul on fire.

wasn't planning on THAT one!

didn't see that one coming, that's for sure.
i'm torn. I am a little angry, but at the same time, i'm okay. the real kind of okay. I know that things will work out, because they have a tendency to do so. especially for us.

moving up tomorrow. saying some see you laters. facing two 40 hour weeks at work. Texas bound soon after that. can't wait to see Geoffrey. New Hampshire is only a little ways away.

observations on the last thursday of spring semester.

I've had writers block in the last few weeks, so this won't be that good like my other observations have turned out to be. 

Our room looks like it has exploded and Symone's giggles fill the hallway from whatever silly things Mike is telling her on the phone. It's a weird feeling, sitting here on my bed and looking at our somewhat empty room. I've spent three semesters in this bed, with my pictures on these walls and my books on this shelf. There has been so much growing and learning since last september. When I think about who I was when I moved into this room, I can hardly believe how much I have grown. It's surreal. 

I was in so many pieces and bits and such a bitter girl last September. I was angry with everyone, but mostly at myself for not being able to move forward. I put my head down and I went to work. In the time I've been in this room, I have secured a job, a car, two more amazing roommates, three crazy Locus boys who kept us safe and got us out and about, a Brother and a best friend who put me back together and taught me how to trust again, and now friend who is teaching me every day how to be a better friend and a better person and who I am trying out the whole trusting thing with. I saw my very best friend get married and I traveled to a place I haven't been before. I got straight A's and B's and I think I finally know what I am going to do with my life. I learned how to forgive and how to let go of the things that really slowed me down and I am finally moving forward and I can talk about the days of that first fall semester with a smile and with fondness. I'm beginning to love who I am again and to embrace my imperfections. I'm becoming solid in my beliefs and I stand firm in my testimony of my church. I may just be Chelsie, but I am more of my own person today then I ever have been.

And so tonight, on this last thursday of the semester, before I pack everything up tomorrow and move to a new apartment, I look at my bed where I've found comfort and rest for the weary soul for the past nine months and I can't help but be a little sad. But more than being sad, I am content. I am proud. and I am ready to move along.

i am so incredibly grateful for the men in my life who are worthy enough to hold the priesthood.

and I am so incredibly happy that he is still around.

once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

and it will be the best thing ever.

guess who's in Idaho? Yep. Finally together again after over a year of being separated by the WHOLE FREAKING COUNTRY! epic week...commence!

we're even for now

borrowed grey dress; oriential chicken salad and a ten minute debate between chicken and a burger
"hunny, you haven't answered yet."
Wicked and Lion King and Mary Poppins
piggy back ride to the car.
hanging out the window and singing with no voice
back rubs and fluent german
helicopter hair, mumbles while I stumble
and your hand is always there to keep me from falling all the way down.
ending the night with pinky promises and hugs.

let me keep these days forever
when nothing matters and nothing is complicated
and you are you and I am me
and that's all there is to it.

adventures as of late

I realize that I haven't posted at all about the great adventures I've been on in the last few months! 

This spring semester in Idaho has been one of the most fun times ever!

My roommates and I have discovered this gorgeous spot on the Snake river where we can sit and read and be outside:

Symone and I have driven the mountain pass to Wyoming a few times. I can never ever get enough of this view:

We spent a day in Jackson Hole, walking around all of the art galleries and eating at Billy's Big Burgers:

I've spent lot's of time with my favorite married couple in Rexburg! We went fishing during the long Memorial day weekend when the river was super high:

They also took me to the kitty shelter! Lot's a bebe kitties to love:

And then there is this crazy Californian boy that I've been spending a lot of time with. Dusty is one of the most fun, most adventurous and best people I've met out here! I enjoy spending time with him! We have a similar sense of humor, so we're always laughing! Dusty taught me how to fly a stunt kite, took me to the lakes on the sand dunes, took me golfing in the park, and bridge jumping. We go on a lot of adventures with his roommates Jake and Ryan and their friends Rocio and Chelsea and it's really great having some new friends who like to have the same kind of fun that I do! Dustin also isn't afraid to break me, so we horse around a lot. It's so refreshing! We wrestle and go all out when we sword fight! It's so great to feel NORMAL when I'm hanging out with him!

Dusty jumping off the bridge:

A bunch of us in the middle of a sword battle:

This last weekend was the 4th of July! My roommates and I spent Saturday on the river in Idaho Falls during the festival! It was a lot of fun and we got to see the biggest firework show west of the Mississippi in Idaho Falls! 

On the Fourth, we spent the day at Jackson County Lake! The lake is fifteen minutes away from us in Rigby and it's a man made lake, so it's all sand and no seaweed or fishy, so the water feels clean! There is an island to sit on and a dock with a water slide in the middle of the lake! It was a great day!

move along

Ever have that dream where your legs don’t work?

Every sense in your body is telling you to run,

But you are glued to the spot, as if the fight or flight response didn’t exist.

You’re only choice is to stand there and face whatever’s coming, head on

Waiting and hoping and praying that you wake up before the storm hits.

Have you ever realized that there is no dream?

And that you’ve been awake all along?

I stand unevenly

and I feel like I've been standing still for four years.

I’m the girl on the sidelines, I’m the girl on the stands.

I’m the one who watches, but never plays.

Sometimes I feel like a shadow and sometimes...

I feel like I’m just existing, without a purpose.

Everyone looks, but no one sees because they are all moving forward,

Following plans and dreams and futures

And I am stuck standing still, because plans…

Well, it’s pointless to have one these days

because my plans never seem to work out.

Sometimes I have these moments when I think I’m finally waking up and regaining the ability to move again.

But it’s always the same story...

It’s like swinging. 

I’m moving, but I’m not going anywhere.

I’ve come to realize something though.

Maybe not being able to move isn’t part of the nightmare.

When you can’t seem to move and your legs don’t want to work,

maybe that is a gift.

Because the only way to overcome your fears is to be there, just as you are.

Or maybe standing still or moving forward is a choice.

And maybe we stay in the storm because we’ve forgotten what the sun feels like.

Sometimes the hope for better days is too painful to face because it seems like the storm will never end.

But that’s life. There will always be a storm on the horizon.

And the sun will always come out tomorrow.

Life will continue to be beautiful, no matter what happens,

Even when it is raining outside.

This is it; this is life.

Blink and you’ll miss it.

I stand unevenly

and I feel like I've been standing still for four years.

There are days when I want to turn my back on it all and run away as hard and as fast as I can from everything that has happened.

I want to forget it all, erase the memories, give up and give in.

But my legs don’t work. I can’t run away.

And so I stand here, in my own personal storm.

But it is my choice to let this become a nightmare.

And although it may be raining out,

I am breathing; my heart is beating… I am alive.

And I'm learning that the rain makes the flowers grow

and that storms can be beautiful in their own way..

And just because I can’t run away doesn’t mean that I can’t move forward.

so today.

i take a step.

and i move along.

money woes

money is so stressful.

As of 20 minutes ago, I owe 1200 dollars on my credit card. I keep telling myself that it's worth it; I get to see my best friend one last time before he leaves on his mission. And I'm working two 40 hour weeks after the semester and will be able to pay a huge chunk of that off with that pay check.

I still need to book a flight home from Texas. 140 dollars there.

I need to pay the rest of rent (325 dollars) before the end of the month.

I need to pay rent for two weeks I'm staying in Rexburg.

And I need to figure out how to get a loan so that I can pay for school come fall.

yeah. I'm a little stressed. But I'm just gonna keep working; pray that Cazz keeps running well and cut back on my long drives to nowhere because I need to make my Gas last.

Pay my tithing and pray. it will all work out.