and all of a sudden, I'm gone

well, almost gone.

It just hit me two hours ago that I have two days left in New England. 

I have been counting the days down until I go back to school, watching the days pass by, day in and day out. And all of a sudden, it is almost time to leave and my heart is hurting a little bit.

I love New England. And no matter how many times I realize how much I love my home, I always end up taking it for granted. This last week is no exception. I was focusing on leaving instead of enjoying my last week being home, and now I have a couple precious days to soak in the New England Sunshine and tress and rocks and streams.

I am excited to go back to school, for the road trip with my dad and for seeing the beautiful sights of this country. But I am sad to leave home. I will miss my family the most. I really love my sisters and my brother and my parents and I will miss spending time with them. This summer has been a huge growing experience for me to appreciate what a wonderful family I have been blessed with and how the family is such an important and central unit to my life. 

I will also miss my big bed, my goof ball kitties and long drives on West Street. 

I think what gets me most is that I am not sure when exactly I will be back for a long period of time. I know I will be home for Christmas, but my plans for the summer still remain very unsure and mirky. I have a car that I don't want to drag across the country more then necessary, and I have a few options that I could look into. Staying in Idaho for the spring semester, moving to Utah and living with Juli or studying abroad are all things that I could do. As much as I love home, I know that I need to grow up and that my house isn't really where I belong any more after I leave here on Wednesday. My sister already has plans to move into my bed and my dad is planning on moving his hiking gear into my closet. I need to be more settled in the West for a while, be on my own and really focus on what I need to do and where I need to go.

Maybe it's nostalgia that is getting to my heart. This is where I grew up; where I made some of my best and favorite memories. That is the swing set I used to swing my life away on; that is the window I used to day dream while looking out; and over there is the path into the woods that I used to wander around. That is the pine where I found a baby porquie pine stuck in; and that is the tree I used to have my little mayors office under when we played town. I have always been very eager to grow up, but tonight my heart aches for those times where I was little and carefree and a big, bright world to play in. 

Even though there are those days and weeks where time moves by so slowly, when I look at the big picture, it seems to me that my life has moved by so fast; in the blink of an eye. I am a sophomore in college now. And before I know it, I will be a junior. I want to scream: "Hey! Slow down a minute! I am not ready to be THIS old or THIS grown up."

But I guess I need to be. And so I will. Everything passes in its time and season, and the truth is, I leave Wednesday for the big wide world once more and I don't know when I will be back. But hey world, bring it on. 

I know I will be ready.