Sometimes I need a refresher

Sometimes I feel like I fall so out of touch with the person I have become over the last few years. Last night, I recounted a story to a friend of mine about the day I lost my hair. I thought about that story all day today. I couldn't get it out of my head. I kept on thinking about that day, the people I was with, the person I was and the person who I was becoming and the experiences and opportunities that I went on to experience. 

February 2nd will mark three years since I entered the world of cancer. It's been so long since those days spent in the hospital and I've slowly reverted back to "normal" life. 

Lately I've been getting down on myself and reverting back to some of the old outlooks on life I used to have. It's been bothering me. Today, I sat down and read through my blog that I kept during the year of treatment and relived some of the most painful and happiest moments of my life. I called my best friend and together, we went through some of the funniest times and saddest times of that year. I haven't laughed that hard in AGES.

I stumbled across something I wrote the night of my last chemo treatment: 

I won't lie. It hasn't been easy. It still isn't. Losing my hair, not being able to go to school, not being able to get my license, and not being able to play with my band were all things I faced. But, I have had the best of friends, family and church members behind me every step of the way. They have learned along with me what cancer had to teach. It has shown me that material things don't matter. It is watching thunderstorms roll in with my dad, going on long car rides with my best friends, learning and bettering myself in my talents, playing games with my siblings, enjoying days that are full of warm rain and good books; these are the things that I now consider the most precious thins in my life. Cancer has taught me to appreciate the simple things in life, and it has shown me that it is my friends and family that are the most important things in my life, not the hair, or the license. It has taught me to put all of my faith and trust in God, and it has brought me closer to him. It has brought my family closer together, it has taught and shown me how to smile, how to keep a positive attitude, to never let the opportunity to tell someone how much I love them pass me by. It has shown me death, and it has shown me how to accept it, no matter how much it hurts and how hard it can be.

And it has shown me hope. It has shown me the hope of tomorrow and the hope of today. It has shown me that hope is key to getting through the tough days. It has shown me how to spread hope and how to accept it. Yes, Cancer is hard. Cancer is a horrible disease, and no child or adult should have to go through it. But I would not trade in what I have learned from fighting cancer for anything else in the world.

Reading that today brought tears to my eyes. I remember. I remember what all of those feelings used to feel like. I still have them. I still believe in them. I still live by them.

But sometimes I need a refresher.

And now I can go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow refreshed and ready to go.