I am not having a good day. I haven't stopped crying since two this afternoon. My heart hurts. My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I'm shutting down, closing up, reaching a breaking point. The world is spinning around, and I feel like there is no time for slowing down. I need time to stand still for just a minute. I need just a moment to take a breath. I feel like I'm struggling to find air, and I'm barely keeping my lungs filled to sustain myself.
I'm tired of watching my friends die.
and I miss my Maddie.
I feel really heavy, like my body is full of lead. I really need a break. I don't really want to be here. I don't really want to be home. I don't really want to be anywhere.
on the brighter side, I have an amazing roommate who loves me and I have an incredible mom who inspires me and keeps me going. My guitar callouses are pretty hard core and I'm getting better at playing. Mike is going to teach me how to play bar chords. 39 days until California. Gosh, I need California. More importantly...I need the people in it.
I'm so tired. I think I'm going to shower and try to stop crying.
And then I need to get out.
Always,
Chelsie
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