17.11.09

realization: he was your best friend before he was mine. and even if he let me in more, or told me more, or trusted me more, (if what he said was true) he was still your best friend first.
and I think I understand that and I'm beginning to accept that now. and while I have moments where I wish he was still my best friend too, the fact is that he isn't. and that was his choice, and not mine. i know that i didn't do anything. and that gives me some peace.
Fact: I have way too much I want to do these days to worry about some things. and there is so much time left that I don't need to worry about these things. and the fact is: i am better off without you and without those plans to wait, because they would have held me off from realizing my dreams and goals and keep me from learning important things that have made me a better, beautiful daughter of God. every day I understand more and more that everything happens for a reason, and this happened to put me on this path and I am supposed to be going in this direction. There is a plan.
tomorrow: calls for a nap more then likely and another long stint in the library. But also, a longer visit with the boys who I've missed a lot.
reminder: be genuine and honest. keep my room clean! keep eating healthy and doing those crunches. Pray. this is MY life and these are MY dreams and I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want and be whoever I want. Don't stop dreaming, not because he told me to, but because I am a dreamer. Keep my head up, don't get discouraged, keep working hard. I am improving every day and making progress and I can see it! I can see how far I have come and I can see where I want to go.

meaningful moment: "I'm glad you made it through that trial. It means that you have a purpose for being here."

don't forget: she is from New Hampshire, and she says she's gonna see it all.


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