And you were not the same after that<3
29.11.11
Tender Mercies
Today has been a day of tender mercies, and I am grateful for living a life where I can easily recognize God's hand in my every day dealings and answered prayers. These are just a few small and simple, but ever so meaningful and beautiful moments from my day today.
1. Sam gave me a ride to work, so I didn't have to walk in the cold. And I didn't have to work on Jenzabars this morning, which is good because I didn't have the ability to concentrate on them. Instead, I went to the Philanthropies office and folded boxes with Cami and Jess and listened to Christmas music.
2. I was struck with sudden inspiration on exactly what I am going to do with my Brit Lit author portfolio and creative response. It will be a lot of work, but I feel so much calmer knowing that I have a clear direction and final goal.
3. I received a happy letter. And my sweet roommate called me the second it came so that I would know.
4. My apartment complex gave us free pizza today and told us that they would not be requiring us to complete White Glove at check outs. This removes SO MUCH stress from my last week of school.
5. I found out that ALL of my financial aid will be available to me next semester, which means I have China paid in full, and extra money to put towards spending. Huge, huge, HUGE relief.
6. Mom told me she was going to help put Cazz on the road when I come home from school. New tires, new wheel baring and all. Words fail me to describe how happy and GRATEFUL I am to know I will be reunited with my little transformer in just three weeks.
7. I'm behind in school and have so much to do, but I'm calm and focused. I feel good about taking on these next few weeks. I'm stocked up on snacks and Barqs and I am planning my time out so that I will be ahead of the game. I will survive.
Happy Tuesday!
1. Sam gave me a ride to work, so I didn't have to walk in the cold. And I didn't have to work on Jenzabars this morning, which is good because I didn't have the ability to concentrate on them. Instead, I went to the Philanthropies office and folded boxes with Cami and Jess and listened to Christmas music.
2. I was struck with sudden inspiration on exactly what I am going to do with my Brit Lit author portfolio and creative response. It will be a lot of work, but I feel so much calmer knowing that I have a clear direction and final goal.
3. I received a happy letter. And my sweet roommate called me the second it came so that I would know.
4. My apartment complex gave us free pizza today and told us that they would not be requiring us to complete White Glove at check outs. This removes SO MUCH stress from my last week of school.
5. I found out that ALL of my financial aid will be available to me next semester, which means I have China paid in full, and extra money to put towards spending. Huge, huge, HUGE relief.
6. Mom told me she was going to help put Cazz on the road when I come home from school. New tires, new wheel baring and all. Words fail me to describe how happy and GRATEFUL I am to know I will be reunited with my little transformer in just three weeks.
7. I'm behind in school and have so much to do, but I'm calm and focused. I feel good about taking on these next few weeks. I'm stocked up on snacks and Barqs and I am planning my time out so that I will be ahead of the game. I will survive.
Happy Tuesday!
28.11.11
on being honest
I've realized that in order to be honest with others, I have to first be honest with myself.
Today was a huge wake up call for me. But I was honest with myself and now I know what I need to work on. Now I know what choices I need to re-evaluate. Now I know where to go from here.
I will not worry. I will not stress. I will have faith, I will be honest and I will fear not.
I will not be left comfortless.
Today was a huge wake up call for me. But I was honest with myself and now I know what I need to work on. Now I know what choices I need to re-evaluate. Now I know where to go from here.
I will not worry. I will not stress. I will have faith, I will be honest and I will fear not.
I will not be left comfortless.
27.11.11
26.11.11
Snapshots on Saturday
I always say that I tend to see the world better through a lens.
And I view things differently because of it, like the way the light reflects off tables in an empty restaurant, floods the entry way of a brand new home or changes the color of my eyes in the late afternoon.
24.11.11
Grateful
For my incredible forever family, who never fails to support me, believe in me or stand behind me in all that I do and all that I dream.
for my brand new knee and my second chance at life, for being limp free and pain free for the first time in over five years, for answered prayers and for miracles
for my two best girls, for their support and kindness and willingness to listen, for the way they open their homes to me and for the adventures we go on and the memories we have made, and the memories to come.
and for the love of my life, my best friend and missionary, for faith in our plan and for the gospel, for his sacrifices and for his obedience, for the blue bow and for knowing what true, unconditional love really is.
I am so blessed. I am so grateful.
Happy Thanksgiving.
21.11.11
A place is only as good as the people in it are.
I always get so homesick this week, every year, while everyone packs up and goes home for Thanksgiving. I haven't had a Thanksgiving with my family in four years. It's hard to be away from them.
But, I am thankful for the amazing friends I have out here who always make sure I never go without a place to stay and celebrate. Even when I think I won't have somewhere to go, someone will always open their home up to me. Whether I'm with Julianna and Jordan in Utah, Vicki in Oregon or this year, with Jillise in Boise, I always have a home to go to, a family who will treat me as one of their own and a turkey to munch on. I'm so blessed and grateful and so excited to leave for my fun-filled week with Jillise starting tomorrow! We're going to have movie marathons, finally go see breaking dawn, be crafty, bake, and spend lots of money on Black Friday.
and I know I'll be home in NH before I know it for Christmas time, with my Mama Bear and Dad and my two pretty little sisters; my grandparents and aunts and uncles and my ward family (Kellys, Bratts, Grotenhuises and Yorks) and all of my adoptive siblings. Mom and I will bake a lot and I'll go last minute shopping with my sisters and spend evenings curled up by my fireplace with a book and my kitty. So close. So soon.
Happy Holidays!
But, I am thankful for the amazing friends I have out here who always make sure I never go without a place to stay and celebrate. Even when I think I won't have somewhere to go, someone will always open their home up to me. Whether I'm with Julianna and Jordan in Utah, Vicki in Oregon or this year, with Jillise in Boise, I always have a home to go to, a family who will treat me as one of their own and a turkey to munch on. I'm so blessed and grateful and so excited to leave for my fun-filled week with Jillise starting tomorrow! We're going to have movie marathons, finally go see breaking dawn, be crafty, bake, and spend lots of money on Black Friday.
and I know I'll be home in NH before I know it for Christmas time, with my Mama Bear and Dad and my two pretty little sisters; my grandparents and aunts and uncles and my ward family (Kellys, Bratts, Grotenhuises and Yorks) and all of my adoptive siblings. Mom and I will bake a lot and I'll go last minute shopping with my sisters and spend evenings curled up by my fireplace with a book and my kitty. So close. So soon.
Happy Holidays!
20.11.11
Christmas Time
...is not hear yet. Only a few more days until I can break out the Christmas Music playlist.
But, I made a decision today that I am going to attempt to give all hand-made gifts this christmas.
Mainly because Pinterest makes me think that I can be crafty and be successful at it.
I'll keep you posted on my crafty adventures.
19.11.11
flashback
I've been on campus since noon, curled up in a corner of the MC against a window, buried in homework and drinking enough water to ensure that I will not sleep solidly tonight. I took a lunch break about two hours ago and ate a sandwich while watching The Importance of Being Earnest for my Brit Lit class. I've read and outlined two chapters for my grammar class in order to prep for my upcoming exam. I've printed out all of my editing documents for my portfolio. I finally downloaded spotify for my computer. I've been sitting at the same table for the last 4 and a half hours and I've watched four different people come and go at the table next to me.
About twenty minutes ago, a girl slid into the seat and began to plug away at her homework. Five minutes later, a guy joins her and as they start discussing their upcoming test they are studying for, it is clear that they met during class. He's got this glint in his eye as he talks to her and she can't stop herself from smiling as their conversation turns away from their study guide. I know this is creepy of me, but I can't help it. Watching their interaction is so familiar...like I know what's coming; like I can predict their every move. She can't meet his eyes for long periods of time and he teases her about something irrelevant, but she flusters up anyway while she sputters for words. He laughs. And I know a split second before she does that she's about to direct his attention back to the study guide.
And then it hits me.
This was me. This was the start of my relationship with Dustin. This was us over a year ago; sitting in his apartment, trying to study for a humanities test and him making fun of my accent and me getting so flustered that I said: "THERE IS NO 'R' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE!" This was the start of a relationship that changed who I was, who I was going to be and who I was becoming. This was the start of everything.
And I can't help but relive those moments, instead of working on my final research topic like I am supposed to. Flashback after flashback, moments that I didn't know I still could recall. My keys in his freezer. His socks on my feet. The time I feel asleep on his couch before we saw Inception because I finally felt safe.
Sometimes, I miss him so much I think my insides are disintegrating because I'm so empty. Sometimes, I feel so misunderstood by the world and I don't want to face it unless he's by my side. But sometimes, I get these flashbacks of how it all started and I know, without a doubt, that we were meant to meet when we did. And I know that this time apart is doing nothing but bringing us closer and strengthening our trust and friendship and our relationship with God. And as hard as it is to be without him now; even ten months later, I know that everything will work out, that one day he'll come home to me and that we will be blessed for our patience and obedience during these two years. To that I hold on to; to that I believe.
Back to work. I would like to get off campus by seven...but who knows if that will actually happen.
About twenty minutes ago, a girl slid into the seat and began to plug away at her homework. Five minutes later, a guy joins her and as they start discussing their upcoming test they are studying for, it is clear that they met during class. He's got this glint in his eye as he talks to her and she can't stop herself from smiling as their conversation turns away from their study guide. I know this is creepy of me, but I can't help it. Watching their interaction is so familiar...like I know what's coming; like I can predict their every move. She can't meet his eyes for long periods of time and he teases her about something irrelevant, but she flusters up anyway while she sputters for words. He laughs. And I know a split second before she does that she's about to direct his attention back to the study guide.
And then it hits me.
This was me. This was the start of my relationship with Dustin. This was us over a year ago; sitting in his apartment, trying to study for a humanities test and him making fun of my accent and me getting so flustered that I said: "THERE IS NO 'R' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE!" This was the start of a relationship that changed who I was, who I was going to be and who I was becoming. This was the start of everything.
And I can't help but relive those moments, instead of working on my final research topic like I am supposed to. Flashback after flashback, moments that I didn't know I still could recall. My keys in his freezer. His socks on my feet. The time I feel asleep on his couch before we saw Inception because I finally felt safe.
Sometimes, I miss him so much I think my insides are disintegrating because I'm so empty. Sometimes, I feel so misunderstood by the world and I don't want to face it unless he's by my side. But sometimes, I get these flashbacks of how it all started and I know, without a doubt, that we were meant to meet when we did. And I know that this time apart is doing nothing but bringing us closer and strengthening our trust and friendship and our relationship with God. And as hard as it is to be without him now; even ten months later, I know that everything will work out, that one day he'll come home to me and that we will be blessed for our patience and obedience during these two years. To that I hold on to; to that I believe.
Back to work. I would like to get off campus by seven...but who knows if that will actually happen.
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