new chapter, same story

I remember when I used to be unable to go through a day without writing something in this blog. There and Back Again which turned into Into the Wild has been my safe place for the last five years, and looking back on all of the posts brings me some incredibly painful memories...and some absolutely beautiful ones too.

I have never been very good at keeping a journal. I probably have 10-15 notebooks scattered around my room back in New Hampshire that have a few pages written here and there. Most of my entries start off with something like: "so, I should probably write in this more..." or  "I need to be better at writing in here" but of course, I never stuck through with it. But I look back on this blog and I feel a bit more accomplished all of a sudden. This is my story, my life, my adventures. A collection of random musings, moments and memories. The last five years of my life chronicled through pictures and music and my feelings in concrete words.

I haven't written a lot here recently, and while it's been different, I think it's good. It's a sign that my life is moving forward, changing a bit and starting a new phase. Into the Wild was my own personal place for the last five years, but I'm no longer on my own. In fact, in just 2 short weeks, my life will forever be entwined with my best friend's. And it just seems selfish to me to exclude him out of my life as a writer and a blogger.

So, it is with bittersweetness that I announce that I will be closing this blog down. To those who have stayed by my side through these last five years; I can't thank you enough. You have given me support when I felt most alone and have helped me rejoice in my triumphs when I was surrounded by others. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And I invite all of you to continue to follow my story, which now is a part of his, at our new blog Catching Up with the Carrs.  A new chapter of my life is starting; but the beautiful part about it is that it is the same story; only now, it is not just mine. It is ours.

Always,
Chelsie Caroline

day maker

seriously, I cannot stop laughing.

Raymond Carver

"In addition to being in love, we like each other and enjoy one another's company. He's easy to be with."

on days like today

I am grateful for a roommate who makes me laugh and who listens to me rant about wedding invitations. I am grateful for a car that warms up fast and for handicapped parking. I am grateful for a kind boss and for a job that I love and am good at. I am grateful for two legs, for a little sister who is safe back at home and for parents who are too good to me. I am grateful for my future in-laws and for my cute, sweet nieces and nephews. I am grateful for my education and my passion for teaching.

And I am so grateful for Dustin, who not only is the love of my life, but my very best friend. He listens to me, makes me laugh, supports me and lets me lean on him when I can't stand on my own. We have the best conversations and go on the best adventures and I love him more every day.

Alphabet

I have to take a moment to stop and reflect on how incredibly blessed I am right now. I'm super close to finishing my degree, I have an awesome job that pays the bills, I have a supportive family and I'll soon belong to another great one and I'm marrying the greatest person I know and the love of my life in about two months. AND! I'm finally moving up in the alphabet! No longer will I be stuck at the end with the Z's! I'll be up front, with the A's and B's! And, even better, I'll be next to him, forever stuck in the C's.

I really am the luckiest girl on the face of the planet.

today, in the alumni office

"When I was five, I thought that only poor people pooped and that when you became rich you just didn't poop anymore."

Today, in English Rhetoric

"This is going to sound terrible, but I often forget my A students. I never forget my F ones. It's like: 'Heyyyyy (as I recognize them). How are you? Did you end up becoming a welder?' These are the conversations I have at DI."

-Bro. Brug.

In & Out

IN: Taco Bell. Dustin. Coral and Turquoise. Venus. Guacamole. Letters. Handicapped Parking. Groundhogs. Dustin. April. Parents. Atlantic Ocean. Grandparents. Future In-Laws. Life Savers. Spotify. Anberlin. Guitar Strings. Left Overs. Lucky Charms. Sherwood Anderson. Dustin.

OUT: Licenses. Taxes. Laundry. Gluten. Windshield Wipers. Milk. Apartment Managers. Homework. Money. Socks. Snow. Winter. Hips. The New iTunes. Cell Phone Chargers. Batteries. Health Power Points. Eyebrows. iLearn.

the brightest star

I'd cut my soul into a million different pieces just to form a constellation to light your way home.

what it was like for me

That is what he asked me today, and I spit out a couple of words that probably didn't make any coherent sense because I was caught off guard. He seemed to accept it and our conversation turned to the next topic easily, but I couldn't get that question out of my head.

What was it like for me?

I was standing there, in front of hundreds of people and I wasn't aware of any single one of them. I was only conscious of him, down on one knee, asking me to marry him. I think he said my full name, but all of the details are blurred. This one moment; this one instance of impact that I had been day dreaming about for a long time was finally happening and in the most cliché way, time froze and alls I could think of was "yes."

Loving him has always been easy. Being his friend has always been effortless. There was never a question that I would wait for him. But the thought of spending forever with him had always been off in the distance; something that I never thought I'd finally make it to see. So what was it like for me, when he was down on one knee, finally asking me to marry him?

It was a fairy tale story that I could never imagine; that moment when everything I already knew became sure. It was a moment where everything was the same, and yet, everything had changed. And it was the realization that he really and truly is my other half; my better half and the love of my life. And that hole that was in my being for the last two years was completely filled up with his love and his kindness and his smirk and his laugh and the way he puts up with the way I tuck my thumb in between our hands.

I get to marry my best friend; and my life couldn't be more beautiful. And at the end of the day, when I'm sore and tired and overwhelmed with school and work, that is the thought I fall asleep too. And let me tell you; it puts everything into perspective, because none of those little things matter when I think about forever by his side.

He makes me so happy. And I am the luckiest.

California

60 degrees and the California sunshine soaking into my skin.

There is a blue bow on my head and curls in my hair,

and she leans into me and whispers under the hymns

"you kinda match him."

I smile, because we do and we know it.

We walk hand in hand along the front porch,

and they all smile because he's back, he's home.

And the California sunshine is soaking into my skin and I realize,

I'm home, too. 

forever.

I just looked at him from across the table, watching him bob his head to his music and as he looked up at me and smiled, I couldn't believe how blue his eyes were and in the gathering twilight, I thought to myself: "I am going to love him forever."

E.A.

"It's okay to feel like that," she says. "I felt exactly the same way. But you know, and everything else will come with time."

And she's right. Because it's all there and I know it is and everything else will fall into place.

Teacher Shark

"She said that one of your kids asked for teecha chocolately."

They rememeber me and they miss me and my heart hurts but more with the love I have for them then anything else. Those kids made me a better person.

On fighting and waiting.

"life continues on and it gets better--and sometimes you have to fight for it to get better and sometimes you just have to wait for it to, and it's not always easy to know the difference, but there is one. and it gets better."

-Meg

A Moment

I didn't even have to think twice. He was there and he was wearing that blue tie and there was a bow in my hair and the moment I had dreamed about for the last two years was finally happening and I was running and leaping and I forgot where I was and who was around me because the only thing I was aware of was him. He was real. And he was exactly as I remembered him down to the way his hands felt on my face and his chest rose when he breathed. And there was a moment that happened. And it was like we had never been apart.

And I knew that I loved him.

Four.

I have never been more proud of him.

See you soon,