morning breaks

the air is heavy. tangible.

the smell of stale cigarettes cling to it,

like the tendrils of ivy climbing up a forgotten brick wall.

thunder rolls from the East, up and over the sea,

it came just for me.

Doctor J.

This is the man who I largely credit to saving my life six years ago;

the one who stood by my side through every hard treatment and side-affect that was thrown my way

and the one who I felt genuinely cared about me as a person, and not just as another patient.

This man is my oncologist, and has been a critical part of my life for over six years.

And he is transferring to Chicago in September, which means that I will be transferred to a new oncologist.

and I'm terrified at the thought of not having him on my team anymore.

24 days

no matter where I am in the world,

if I am standing by the ocean, I'm okay.

I like the way the sea makes me feel.

the reminder of how small I am,

but how I still count for something anyway.

Cuisine

Every night, I wrote a list of things that might go wrong.

Every morning, I looked at the list and added a little more.

But then one day, my pen ran out,

and life completely changed.

truth about it all:

Maybe it did take a crisis to get to know yourself. Maybe you needed to get whacked hard by life before you understood what you wanted out of it.

Unknown

an update of sorts

it's been awhile, i know. I've just put all of my blogging energy here, and between that and the crazy life I lead here in China, I just haven't had much time to write here. But it's a low-key Friday night, I'm watching old re-runs of Grey's Anatomy on youku and thinking about the next few months and here I am. Updating only life:

1. I have four whole weeks left in China. Insane. I'm so excited to go home and I'm so sad to leave. It's bittersweet. But, I'm beyond excited for two weeks of Zion's Camp, beach house, Boston, my family and Julianna.

2. My roommate of three years and one of my closest friends, Symone, is getting married tomorrow. I'm so excited for her!

3. Road trip with my dad, Summer 2012. It's happening! We have the official dates and an official itinerary. July 16th-20th. Mount Rushmore, the Badlands, Devil's Tower, Crazy Horse, Yellowstone and Jackson Hole and me and my dad and my Cazz machine.

4. AND! I have my official start date for back at the Alumni Office: July 23rd! I'm living at Northgate with Sam this fall and I couldn't be more excited! Plus, Northgate is right across the road from Hyde Park, where Symone and Ryan and Trish and Russell both live. AWESOME!

5. My baby sister, Ashley is starting school with her BFF (my womb-buddy, Brett's sister) Leah and I'm so excited to have them at BYU-I with me. We are already planning road trips to Provo to go to colligate football games, visit Julianna and Jord and other random adventures.

6. I received a random 3,000 dollar scholarship today! So excited and so relieved!

7. Classes are all planned out for the fall. And I only have two more semesters after that until I graduate!

Basically, the rest of the year looks like it is going to be amazing. I am so excited for all of my plans, trips, adventures and friends and I'm looking forward to blogging/writing/photographing it all! YAY!

Bank of Dad

"I'll put in some money to help you with traveling to Beijing."
"Thank you, Daddy, I appreciate that so much!"
"I don't have much, but I'll give you what I can. That's why it's called the Bank of Dad!"

I am so blessed with the family that I have. They truly are the best.

gray air and sunsets

the air is thick with gray haze

I follow the path before me.

Mud. I forge ahead,

turn the corner and face the sun.

send it away, over the hills

and towards the sea.

just for you.

just for you.

safe and sound

This is my "happy place"

and where my thoughts have been drifting to frequently over the last week or so.

Nothing but fresh air and the hum of crickets and echoes of loon calls and gentle lapping of waves against the shore.

This is my safe place.

And although I am happy where I am right now; I would give almost anything for one day in the endless paths and trees and vines and rocks found nestled in the foothills of Raymond.