Sunday Morning with Lynn

it's humid here. walking outside is like walking into a swimming pool and i feel like i'm drowning every time i step out of the door. i don't know how i survived six flags on Saturday. actually, i didn't. after four years of keeping my feet on the ground, my stomach and my mcdonalds was screaming NO MORE after the second roller coaster of the day. combine that with severe heat and sunshine. not happy.

there is a wooden sign stuck outside of the front door. it says: "Geddie Zoo, do not feed" is big letters. It's so fitting, not because they are animals, but because of the good humored people who live in the first house on the right here on Hidden Trail Ln...one of the most beautiful families in the world.

church for Klein ward starts at one in the afternoon, but I wake up at nine this morning to a knocking at the door and "WAFFLES! WAFFLES!" being yelled down the hall by a combination of three kids. Geoff pokes his head in and laughs at the lines imprinted on my face from the pillow case and echos the yells down the hall: "Dad is making waffles." I groan and throw myself back into bed. my body clock is super messed up from keeping up with four different time zones. only a few minutes later does Daniel wander by my door and poke his head in. "Chels! Waffles!" he yells, looking at me like i'm crazy for not understanding how important breakfast is. I get up slowly and stumble behind him down the stairs into the kitchen. The whole family is gathered around the dinning room table and piles of waffles are stacked at one end. April looks up and waves at me. "You're beautiful!" she signs and i sign back, thanking her and asking if she was having a good morning. Everyone sits down and the feast begins. There is laughter and there is arguing and there is a baby black kitten climbing into my lap and trying to take a bite out of my waffle. it's chaos, but it's beautiful.

After breakfast, the girls and I sprawl out on the floor in the living room with the two kittens and their toys, playing with them and laughing at their silly kitten antics. Laura calls from the back: "Chelsie, mom wants to see you!"

I get up and walk into the dark bedroom connected to the living room. The only sound is of the fans blowing and the slight hiss of the oxygen tanks. There are stuffed animals everywhere and disney princesses and pictures and notes hanging all over the walls and it's very homey. Lynn looks up at me from the bed as I walk towards her side. "No, honey, that's not how it works here. You get in on the other side." I pause and then change my route, climbing into the other side of the bed, curling up on my right side so i'm facing her. We lay there for a minute in silence and then she begins to talk. and my life begins to change.

we talk about pain.
she tells me about knee replacements and how when she was little, she lived in san antonio and went to the zoo one day with her family after seriously hurting her leg. and she tells me about the sunken gardens and how much she loved looking at flowers, even as a little girl. we talk about dealing with pain and she asks me if i'm in pain a lot. "Constantly," i tell her, "but it's the kind of pain that you get used to after a while." She nods in understanding. there is some pain you live with every day that becomes normal and after a while, you just don't feel it anymore. The pain becomes a part of you and you forge forward because acknowledging the pain doesn't get you anywhere. And on days that the pain is worse; the days where you feel it more then usual, those are the days you remember that life is different for you and that things aren't normal. And then you count your blessings. pain is one of them, because you realize that you are blessed in so many other ways.

we talk about hope.
she tells me about getting into the medical field, even though she herself never got into the profession. "I say we, because when your husband goes into something like that, you do it together. it's a commitment that both of you make to each other; because you both need to support each other. so i say 'we'". Support those you love, because they will support you. She tells me about the times dad was working on the Peds oncology floor and about the children she met and the children she watched lose the fight. And she tells me about the church and how she held on to the hope of the atonement and of Christ. And I realize that hope is everything. Without it, we cease to live.

we talk about fighting for what we believe in.
she tells me about adopting my best friend. and how he wasn't supposed to live, but she fought for him because she knew that he was supposed to be a member of their family; because she knew he was supposed to be her son. she talks about fighting for every one of her children's lives and how every challenged she faced with them became a growing experience. She talks about the countless surgeries she watched her children go through and how she thought she was so close to losing April one time that the doctors told her to plan funeral arrangements. "But I knew, I knew that if I kept faith and I kept fighting, things would work out." fighting with love is the most powerful kind of fight you can put up. with love, you can do anything.

we talk about me:
favorite disney character-pluto
favorite princess-belle
favorite color-blue
favorite food-'well, i like m&ms'..."m&ms' are NOT a dinner food!"
favorite dessert-cheesecake
and then she goes on to ask about boys, family and cancer. "i expect to know these things!" she says when i giggle at her endless list.

we talk about dying.
she tells me about how she knew from her first diagoinses that she was going to die, and how dying is not easy. It's slow and it's painful and she worries about her kids. She's not afraid to go, but she's afraid to leave them behind. She talks about how she knows she doesn't have a lot of time left and she still has so much she wants to do. and I tell her that we'll do things while I'm here and we make a list of stuff to get done in the next couple days. And I think about how important it is to live life, to do things that scare me, to take the opportunity to learn things, to tell people i love them whenever i have the chance. I think about how hard it must be to lose the ability to do daily chores or to put away dishes and I vow to myself to never complain about taking the trash out again. "you learn to appreciate the small moments," she says quietly as her eyes droop shut. "because those moments become everything to you." she pauses for a moment. "Sorry, I'm drugged." and she laughs and I laugh with her because I know.

"you're a breath of fresh air," she says as I climb out of bed because I have to get ready for church. I tell her that i'll come back after church and we'll keep on talking. "okay hunny, i love you." she calls out after me and i think about how I've only known her for two days and I love her too and she's changed my life in more then one way.

is my blog template/background thingy not showing up?
rawr. i need to redesign soon.

look for some in depth writing tonight.

a movie script ending.

Passing through unconscious states.
When i awoke i was on
the highway.

overwhelmed. 

Down South

the air is thick with moisture
stretching over my skin
and reaching down my lungs
an unforeseen weight carried in the breeze
and onto your shoulders

i'm here.
and it's effortless...
effortless.

picky pizza orders

days have never passed as slow

as they do in this empty college town.

minutes into hours and hours into day,

living life by the clock, but longer.

afternoon naps turn over into evening slumbers

simulated breezes and echos of beeping

the scraping of concrete on top of concrete 

the nails on a chalk board.

music from the sky

bare feet on pavement

picky pizza orders

great whites

clean laundry

empty suitcases and organ ringtones

whispers of birch wood trees

stretch across grassy lands and rocky mountains

i'll be seeing you soon, New England.

I'll be seeing you soon. 

sista sista

Tuesday is almost over and that means I am one day closer to Texas and New Hampshire.
Pretty much all of my college friends are home and have been with their families for a while and it's been making me SO ANXIOUS to get home and see mine!

The one downfall to being at school here in Idaho and being a native New Englander is the distance. I can't hop in the car for a weekend trip back east and flights across the country are pricey. The two hour time difference makes phone calls hard to connect and I very rarely get to talk to my siblings. I feel distant from them and I am not a fan of that. Jake and I have made progress, but I am really determined to work on my relationship with my two younger sisters.

I am so excited to be home with Ashley and Katie. I've come to the point in my life where we are all at the age where we can be friends and not just siblings. Ashley is going to be 17 in a few weeks and Katie will be 15 in January. They are both growing into such individual, unique, beautiful young women and I hate missing out on that! Anyway, I am impatient to be back home with them and to spend time with them. We have so much fun together!

And take pictures of them, because I'm pretty positive my sisters are two of the prettiest girls. ever. They inspire me!

Two more eight hour work days, one four hour work day and one four hour drive until I begin a weekend full of being re-united with people I love and haven't seen in ages. Mike Face and Juliroo and Jord and Geoffrey in the span of two days! this time next week I will be in Texas and only a few days away from being in NEW HAMPSHIRE!

I can make it!

i'm glad my mother understands the importance of unlimited texting or else I would have been in big trouble today.

Thor the Oscar Fish

I live with the Klenotich sisters, Erin and Anne, who never ever fail to keep my life interesting. Erin has a problem with impulse buying and the following account is the latest trouble we've gotten ourselves into because of it.

The other day, the girls left to go get some french fries from Wendys. Two hours later they came back with a baby tropical fish they dubbed lovingly Thor and plopped him in a cute 1-gallon tank. Impulse buying at it's finest. We, as an apartment, have been talking about getting a fish for some time but were planning on acting on that when we were all back together in September.

Thor has been hanging out at Trish and Russell's for the last few days because no one will be here for a few weeks to take care of him. Yesterday, Trish called Erin to tell us that not only has Thor been eating fishy flakes by the pound, he has been JUMPING out of the water, trying to eat Trish's finger when she wiggles it at him.

(Baby Oscars) 

I wake up this morning to: "BAD NEWS BEARS!" being yelled in our living room. I walked out and before I could ask what was going on, both Anne and Erin look up at me from the couch with fear in their eyes: "We have a BIG problem."

Anne and Erin did some research on our new pet this morning (two days AFTER buying him, of course) Turns out: Thor is an Oscar fish, who are typically found in the Amazon. And our two inch little buddy will quickly grow to be 15 inches long or more. Not only that but:

-A large aquarium of at least 70 gallons is required to house a pair of Oscars.

-Oscars have hearty appetites and should only be kept with fish that are the same size or larger; smaller fish soon become a quick snack for the Oscar.

-Captive oscars may be fed prepared fish food designed for large carnivorous fish, crayfish worms, and insects such as flies or grasshoppers

-A very large Oscar could easily exceed 2 pounds in weight.

and oscarfishlover.com was quick to put erin's solutions about just getting a 10-galleon tank a rest:

"If you know anything about the Oscarfish, you will know that they get very big, and they get big in a relatively short space of time. They are also very messy fish, both in their eating and toilet habits. For this reason I would suggest that you set yourself up with the right equipment at the very beginning. I know that a 2 inch Oscar doesn't look anything in a big tank, but believe me, that 2 inch Oscar won't stay 2 inches for very long. Far too many people think they have got time on their hands when purchasing Oscars. They think they can house their little friend in a 10 gallon fish tank for a few months while they think about getting a larger aquarium. I am afraid that is not the case with Oscars. "

so now, not only do we have a man-eating fish in a tank that is already too small for it, we have to figure out what on earth we are going to do with dear little Thor, because we cannot afford to have a 20 galleon fish tank in our apartment! We'll get kicked out if we get caught! Anne and I both think the best solution is to bring Thor back to the store and get a Beta (like we had planned on originally) but Erin is convinced he'll die there. 

and no, Erin, putting a box labeled "misc." over the tank when our managers come by is not the winning solution. 

lesson learned: impulse buying fish that no one knows about (including the workers at walmart) is never a good idea.