i can see a lot of life in you

This is the weirdest music video I have ever seen, but I heard this song on Pandora today and of course I am a sucker for anything by Sufjan.


I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see a lot of bright in you.
And I think the dress looks nice on you.
I can see a lot of life in you.

I can see a bed and make it too.
I can see a fireside turn blue.
And I can see the lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.

When the world looks back,
when the face looks after that,
I can see a lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.

I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see your bed and make it too.
And I think the dress looks nice on you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you.
I can see a lot of life in you.
Yes, I can see a lot of life in you

be okay

I'm glad we're okay.

be okay

pep talk

i'm really trying to have complete faith and trust this time around.

but i have this gut feeling that things are changing again and I'm not sure how much more unstableness (is that even a word?) i can handle. deep breaths.

I should really just put my head down and study and focus on the things that should be the most important. reorganize your priorities, remember Chels? Keep breathing; remember that you are alive. Keep being; because someone somewhere will need you down the road; no matter what is going on right now or how out of place you feel. Keep believing, even if you aren't sure if there is anything to believe in. Try to believe in yourself; and one day you will get there. Know that things will work out; and that you will find peace somewhere, even if you feel troubled now.

Understand.

Try to understand that this is part of the plan, that everything happens for a reason. Remember that your family is pulling for you; that your mom is working on figuring out all of your health stuff and that you daddy loves you, no matter how much he teases you or gets on your case. Remember your roommate in Washington and that you will always have a home and a place with her; even if she is far away for the moment. Remember your two best friends serving missions; write to them! When you are feeling down the most, know that writing it out will help and showing your love and support to your boys will uplift you as well as them. Remember that it is okay to be emotional, and that it's okay to cry; and it's okay to do it by yourself.

Be okay.

Be okay with your choices, be okay with the people who you have let in and the people you have watched walk away. Don't regret anything, Chelsie. Be okay with the person you are. Try to love yourself, because no one else can love you when you can't love yourself. It's okay to want to improve; but try not to beat yourself up too much, because you are currently killing yourself right now. Embrace your imperfections. Recognize that you are human and you have a right to feel.

take care of yourself.

you need to eat better and you know that you need to be cautious about the habits you are slipping back into. Eat your food, and eat the healthy stuff and eat more then once a day. Stay away from the candy stash at work. Sleep more. Get your homework done earlier and don't procrastinate so often. Walk more; even if it kills you at the end of the day. Who knows when that ability might be taken away. You already had that scare once; don't take your legs for granted again.

Appreciate.

No matter what happens, life will continue to be beautiful.

Feel your lungs expand and wiggle your toes and keep your eyes open. Don't let those simple beautiful things pass you by. Go for drives, go to the river, watch the sunset, and love it all.

BE ALIVE.

You don't need anyone else to do it; you can love life on your own and you know how to. You worked on that all last summer when you were alone all of the time. Be that girl who kept her chin up, who was happy and who was selfless and who never let anything get her down. Trust with caution, handle your heart with care, but don't be afraid to give and share what you know with those who need it. Don't let others be blind to the things you see.

Remember your Savior.

Pray.

Chelsie, you gotta pray. You need to face your fears, because when it comes down to it, He is the only one who will not abandon you. you know that. You know that no matter how alone you might feel, he is always there. Lean on him. Because when things get so dark and things go so unsure and your hard moments turn into hard days and turn into hard weeks; He will be the light. When everything and everyone else disappears, He will guide you back.

Wipe away those tears, Chelsie Caroline. Deep Breath. Keep breathing, and remember that you are here for a reason and a purpose and you will understand in the end. Keep holding on, try not to give up.

This too shall pass.

don't forget

remember, Chelsabelle:

just one of those days

Wait right here

Was all she said to me

And so right here I stay

Time has reached our home

And I've been left alone

It's carried him away

And everyone keeps saying

Nothing helps but time

Time is all I own

The timings stop replaying over in my mind

I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket

Where I can hide away

I know I can't take it

Cause I see now

It's just one of those days

Now a year has passed

Alone I stay inside

And I await the rain

To wash away your face

So I dont have to hide

The sight of you is painful

So I crawl underneath my blanket

Where I can hide away

I know I cant take it anymore

Cause I see now

It's just one of those days

I can't stop

Seeing your face

I can't stop

Seeing your face

Everyplace

So I crawl underneath my blanket

Where I can hide away

I know I can't take it anymore

Cause I see now

It's just one of those days (yeah)

music making.

via weheartit

Elder Ivey

"The weirdest thing that I´ve had here is this nasty drink made from platanoes. They like boil the platano and I don´t even know what else they do to the poor junk, but it is so gross! But, I smile and drink it anyway! haha. No, I haven´t had any pig skin soup or cow tongue, but I´m still inside the capital, where things are pretty normal, still. Maybe I´ll have more food stories when I leave the capital, and go into jungle Guatemala with my machete and my Book of Mormon! I can´t WAIT!!! haha!"

Elder Ivey, I miss you so much!

I love that you can brighten my day even when you are so far away.

I was thinking last night that i could really use an MK pep talk, because things have been so hard lately and really difficult and confusing and I've been feeling "holey" and scared. You always had the right thing to say even if I didn't want to hear it. I am trying hard to imagine what you would tell me now and i can almost hear you say something along the lines of: "well that's retarded. you deserve better then that." Even though you are in Central America, I love that I can still count on you to give me something to hold on to; whether it is some silly little story like the one above or some deep spiritual reference, like my letter last month.

I love you, Mike. Stay safe.

let it be

only you can do this.

Chelsie Caroline Whitney:

this is YOUR life. YOUR choices. it's up to you and NO ONE else.

be calm, be brave, be strong. believe. it'll be okay.