flashback

I've been on campus since noon, curled up in a corner of the MC against a window, buried in homework and drinking enough water to ensure that I will not sleep solidly tonight. I took a lunch break about two hours ago and ate a sandwich while watching The Importance of Being Earnest for my Brit Lit class. I've read and outlined two chapters for my grammar class in order to prep for my upcoming exam. I've printed out all of my editing documents for my portfolio. I finally downloaded spotify for my computer. I've been sitting at the same table for the last 4 and a half hours and I've watched four different people come and go at the table next to me.

About twenty minutes ago, a girl slid into the seat and began to plug away at her homework. Five minutes later, a guy joins her and as they start discussing their upcoming test they are studying for, it is clear that they met during class. He's got this glint in his eye as he talks to her and she can't stop herself from smiling as their conversation turns away from their study guide. I know this is creepy of me, but I can't help it. Watching their interaction is so familiar...like I know what's coming; like I can predict their every move. She can't meet his eyes for long periods of time and he teases her about something irrelevant, but she flusters up anyway while she sputters for words. He laughs. And I know a split second before she does that she's about to direct his attention back to the study guide.

And then it hits me.

This was me. This was the start of my relationship with Dustin. This was us over a year ago; sitting in his apartment, trying to study for a humanities test and him making fun of my accent and me getting so flustered that I said: "THERE IS NO 'R' IN NEW HAMPSHIRE!" This was the start of a relationship that changed who I was, who I was going to be and who I was becoming. This was the start of everything.

And I can't help but relive those moments, instead of working on my final research topic like I am supposed to. Flashback after flashback, moments that I didn't know I still could recall. My keys in his freezer. His socks on my feet. The time I feel asleep on his couch before we saw Inception because I finally felt safe.

Sometimes, I miss him so much I think my insides are disintegrating because I'm so empty. Sometimes, I feel so misunderstood by the world and I don't want to face it unless he's by my side. But sometimes, I get these flashbacks of how it all started and I know, without a doubt, that we were meant to meet when we did. And I know that this time apart is doing nothing but bringing us closer and strengthening our trust and friendship and our relationship with God. And as hard as it is to be without him now; even ten months later, I know that everything will work out, that one day he'll come home to me and that we will be blessed for our patience and obedience during these two years. To that I hold on to; to that I believe.

Back to work. I would like to get off campus by seven...but who knows if that will actually happen.