Links and Logs

it is hot hot hot today and the weather channel says it's supposed to stay that way for the rest of the week. I love summer here, but I could do with a little less humidity, please and thank you. I keep on thinking about the missionaries in the New England area when the weather is like this, and I hope that mine is staying hydrated while doing the work in Massachusetts.

I worked out today for the first time since my knee replacement and boy oh boy, was it a reality check on how out of shape I've become and how much effort I need to keep putting into recovery. I'm not going to lie, it was a little frustrating and discouraging to get on the eliptical and only be able to handle seven minutes of it before my knee started to get tremors (nasty muscle convulsions). But, my iPod knew exactly what song to play as I started to let those emotions get the best of me. Thirty Seconds to Mars reminded me to keep fighting this fight, because my recovery is an ongoing battle. Okay knee replacement. This Is War.

Super empowering.

In other news, I had the super awesome opportunity to guest blog for Paige about New England, so you should go check it out. Paige was one of my guest bloggers last month during the opening weeks of Zion's Camp and she wrote an awesome letter to her 16-year-old self, so if you missed out on that, go read it here.

also, in the coming days, I will be doing a major blog redesign, so hold tight while I get my head on straight and figure out what I want to do with my life/blog.

and finally, my contact for my housing is in and the deposit has been made. I'm living in the newest apartments in Rexburg this semester (though it was not by choice) but I'm excited, none the less. I can't wait to have my own washer and dryer, because I had to roll all my quarters to pay for my cell phone bill this month. As much as I love having a summer to just focus on recovering, it is a pain to not be making money!

adjusting

it's been three years since i was last on crutches

and being back on them is a big adjustment.

just over a week ago, i got out of bed when i wanted to

and i went to the kitchen to grab a snack when i was hungry

and heck, i could even stay up late in my living room watching movies on the big tv.

but now, i'm back to the whole routine of:

walkie talkies to wake up mom when i need to go to the bathroom

and going to my room at nine so that my leg can be properly propped up

and asking my sisters to bring me a sandwich so i can have some lunch.

adjustment.

it's really hard to give up that freedom of walking

and of relying on knees that work (or in my case, just getting me places)

and sometimes it is frustrating to not just get up and go when i want to.

just concentrating on getting down the hallway is hard work.

heel. bend. toe. extend. heel. bend. toe. extend.

and then i get to the recliner in the living room and sit out there.

i've already read a whole novel and mastered a basic introductory conversation in french in the two days i've been out of the hospital.

and tonight, i convinced my mom to let me stay in the living room after everyone went to bed so i could finish watching a walk to remember (yeah, i know)

and as i slowly made my way down the hall, my crutch hit a ruler that someone left on the floor and slid out from under me.

i didn't fall, but i put way too much weight and bend on my left knee.

and i had to wake up my mom to get me back to my bed.

basically: this is not easy.

but they never said it was going to be easy.

they only said it was going to be worth it.

i'm almost five years cancer free, but i've still got plenty of battles to fight because of what it left me with.

and i'm not complaining.

because i'm learning so much about myself and about family and about sacrifice and service and love

it's a never ending lesson

and sometimes i get tired, and sometimes i need to adjust

but at the end of the day, 

i have to remember that

i have two legs

and i am alive.

and with time,

and patience and hard work and prayers and faith,

i'll have two knees again someday

and i'll be able to go get that midnight snack that i'm craving right now.

=]

remember to breathe, chelsabelle,

everything is going to be okay.

dear readers:

hi! I'm sill kickin'!

and also, still in the hospital.

but hopefully, I will be bustin' this joint tomorrow.

I promise to be a dedicated blogger and writer once things settle down in the next few days, but i just had to let you all know:

today, i was allowed to put a little bit of weight on my left leg.

and I felt a real, working knee in there.

PT today was emotional, painful and frustrating.

I have such a long, long way to go.

I'm essentially learning how to walk all over again.

but it's okay, because it will come.

I believe in miracles.

and I know that I am capable of overcoming this; with the Lord on my side.

I would like you all to do me a favor in the near future:

take the stairs and think about how great it is that you can go up and down them.

walk down your driveway, barefoot if possible, to get the mail and just enjoy the way your muscles move in your legs. feel them. appreciate them.

and tell someone you love, that you love them.

my love to you all; who stumble across this blog or who keep up with me regularly.

you are all great.

and life is beautiful.

Always,

Chelsie Caroline