quiet nights

I love having time to myself and being introverted; curling up with a cup of tea on an absolutely perfect summer night and being alone. It's during these rare moments that I find myself staring out my window and watching a tiny city of lights blink against the crow's black wing of night and allow myself to be whisked away to another time and place. I go over lists and goals I have, or examine the finer details of what makes me who I am. I think about where I want to go or what I want to do with my life and I travel down the various potential paths to test the waters with barefooted toes of determination. I dream. I make plans. I listen to the rumbles of crickets hidden in the grass and the wind breathing through the woods and I realize that this is my life, and I can do whatever I want with it. When I think of it that way, it's almost intimidating. I can do anything, I can be anything, I can go anywhere; so much power, so much potential. My life is what I make of it. It's empowering. I am filled with desire to improve, to change, to become, to do my best, to make my second chance at being alive worth something so that at the end of the day someone can say: "Yes, I'm glad we gave her a second shot."

Morbid? Maybe a little. I just want to make someone proud. I want to be deserving of my life. 

So, on these quiet nights when it's jut me and a warm mug of chamomile sitting in between my cupped hands; my eyes glossed over as I stare out into the blanket of black, I fill up with gratitude. And then I make my lists and I set my goals and I go to bed ready to wake up and prepared to do my best.

In this crazy world where there is never enough time in the day to get everything done, it becomes very easy to lose track of one's self. Getting caught up with the day in and day out routine slowly erases the finer lines of a soul; blends them into unclear images that eventually get lost in that grey area. So it's important to me to set aside a quiet night here or there to take care of myself and to refocus and recommit to my goals. It's taken me a long time to learn how to invest that kind of time into myself; but let me tell you, it has made all the difference.

No matter what happens, life will continue to be beautiful.