one of those days

you know those people who are like a breathe of fresh air? They come out of nowhere and you aren't even expecting it and all of a sudden there they are and you realize that your lungs were not working properly and now you are getting more air than you can hold.

You know what it's like to watch those people come in and out of your life? You finally find someone who gives you that new twist and outlook on life and you feel alive again and all of a sudden, before you can hold your breath, they are gone. It's hard. It's hard to wake up one day and realize that things have changed and that once again you are stuck in a rut that you can't get out of. You're alive, but you aren't living.

and when things get the hardest and the days all blend into each other, something happens; someone comes along and all of a sudden there is air again. And you feel alive again.

my life seems to have three main themes: one of them being breathing, the other being change and the third being appreciating life even when things are hard. Today, as I sit here with my scriptures open in my lap trying to get my religion homework done and a new band playing softly from my computer speakers that I am quickly falling in love with, I can't help but sigh. Today wasn't the greatest day. 500 disconnected numbers, two very grumpy and impatient people on the phone at work; finding myself saying the stupidest things; group meeting; missing my best friend and realizing that things have changed in almost every way; and being totally exhausted has really tampered with my usually good spirits. I hate days when I feel like I'm just existing and that's all. I'm not really there or people don't notice me and I don't have the energy to find my spark. Today I'm down on myself. Today I can't find my groove. I make a mistake and I just beat myself up. Today I don't feel good enough for anyone. Today I feel the sorrow and the grief for those who are experiencing loss. Today was just one of those days.

But here is the thing about life. It goes on. I just have to remember that sometimes change is okay.

sometimes change is everything.