Start of something new.

Sometimes I have these moments when I feel totally genuine.

and recognizing those moments and realizing I was totally myself makes me feel like I am worth something.

and it is about time that I started believing in that. I don't need anyone else to tell me that I am worth something; a weakness that I have had for many many years. I have always relied on other people to build me up, to assign me worth. I thrived on hearing people tell me that "I am wonderful, I am worth something."

but those days are gone. it's different now.

I am believing in my own person. I am the New England girl with a little too much East Coast Pride, who battles procrastination on a daily basis, walks around with pearl necklaces on her forehead; who cries during allstate commercials and texts her best friend with things like: "I was just thinking about your squeaky eye" or "remember that time when you thought you a mermaid?"

I am sassy, spunky, and I am growing.

and I love that I can recognize those things in myself.

and that I can recognize my weaknesses and the areas where I need to work on improving.

I know that I have a long way to go. I know that I can work on my procrastination, my big mouth and expressing my emotions in a safer, healthier way. I know that I need to work on forgiving, letting go of my grudges, and on staying more organized.

But. I am recognizing my triumphs today. Because success gives me hope, makes me feel accomplished and makes me feel like I am worth something.

The fact is: I'm beginning to feel almost fully happy again.

and this time, it is on my own. my goal this summer was to learn how to be happy on my own. To do things for myself, to improve myself, to not let anything slow me down.

and I think I am finally achieving that.

at least, tonight, it feels like I am.

I was supposed to be in bed thirty eight minutes ago.

but to those friends who stood by me this summer: thank you. Your support and understanding has shown me how to grow on my own. (i know, that doesn't make much sense, but it does to me.)

I am my own person. and tomorrow is a new day.