homeward bound

Two and a half weeks and a slight detour to texas is all that stands between me and being in New Hampshire. I can't wait.

Winding roads, White Mountains, Atlantic Ocean, and lots of trees. I'll see you soon.

New England sets my soul on fire.

wasn't planning on THAT one!

didn't see that one coming, that's for sure.
i'm torn. I am a little angry, but at the same time, i'm okay. the real kind of okay. I know that things will work out, because they have a tendency to do so. especially for us.

moving up tomorrow. saying some see you laters. facing two 40 hour weeks at work. Texas bound soon after that. can't wait to see Geoffrey. New Hampshire is only a little ways away.

observations on the last thursday of spring semester.

I've had writers block in the last few weeks, so this won't be that good like my other observations have turned out to be. 

Our room looks like it has exploded and Symone's giggles fill the hallway from whatever silly things Mike is telling her on the phone. It's a weird feeling, sitting here on my bed and looking at our somewhat empty room. I've spent three semesters in this bed, with my pictures on these walls and my books on this shelf. There has been so much growing and learning since last september. When I think about who I was when I moved into this room, I can hardly believe how much I have grown. It's surreal. 

I was in so many pieces and bits and such a bitter girl last September. I was angry with everyone, but mostly at myself for not being able to move forward. I put my head down and I went to work. In the time I've been in this room, I have secured a job, a car, two more amazing roommates, three crazy Locus boys who kept us safe and got us out and about, a Brother and a best friend who put me back together and taught me how to trust again, and now friend who is teaching me every day how to be a better friend and a better person and who I am trying out the whole trusting thing with. I saw my very best friend get married and I traveled to a place I haven't been before. I got straight A's and B's and I think I finally know what I am going to do with my life. I learned how to forgive and how to let go of the things that really slowed me down and I am finally moving forward and I can talk about the days of that first fall semester with a smile and with fondness. I'm beginning to love who I am again and to embrace my imperfections. I'm becoming solid in my beliefs and I stand firm in my testimony of my church. I may just be Chelsie, but I am more of my own person today then I ever have been.

And so tonight, on this last thursday of the semester, before I pack everything up tomorrow and move to a new apartment, I look at my bed where I've found comfort and rest for the weary soul for the past nine months and I can't help but be a little sad. But more than being sad, I am content. I am proud. and I am ready to move along.

i am so incredibly grateful for the men in my life who are worthy enough to hold the priesthood.

and I am so incredibly happy that he is still around.

once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.

and it will be the best thing ever.

guess who's in Idaho? Yep. Finally together again after over a year of being separated by the WHOLE FREAKING COUNTRY! epic week...commence!

we're even for now

borrowed grey dress; oriential chicken salad and a ten minute debate between chicken and a burger
"hunny, you haven't answered yet."
Wicked and Lion King and Mary Poppins
piggy back ride to the car.
hanging out the window and singing with no voice
back rubs and fluent german
helicopter hair, mumbles while I stumble
and your hand is always there to keep me from falling all the way down.
ending the night with pinky promises and hugs.

let me keep these days forever
when nothing matters and nothing is complicated
and you are you and I am me
and that's all there is to it.

adventures as of late

I realize that I haven't posted at all about the great adventures I've been on in the last few months! 

This spring semester in Idaho has been one of the most fun times ever!

My roommates and I have discovered this gorgeous spot on the Snake river where we can sit and read and be outside:

Symone and I have driven the mountain pass to Wyoming a few times. I can never ever get enough of this view:

We spent a day in Jackson Hole, walking around all of the art galleries and eating at Billy's Big Burgers:

I've spent lot's of time with my favorite married couple in Rexburg! We went fishing during the long Memorial day weekend when the river was super high:

They also took me to the kitty shelter! Lot's a bebe kitties to love:

And then there is this crazy Californian boy that I've been spending a lot of time with. Dusty is one of the most fun, most adventurous and best people I've met out here! I enjoy spending time with him! We have a similar sense of humor, so we're always laughing! Dusty taught me how to fly a stunt kite, took me to the lakes on the sand dunes, took me golfing in the park, and bridge jumping. We go on a lot of adventures with his roommates Jake and Ryan and their friends Rocio and Chelsea and it's really great having some new friends who like to have the same kind of fun that I do! Dustin also isn't afraid to break me, so we horse around a lot. It's so refreshing! We wrestle and go all out when we sword fight! It's so great to feel NORMAL when I'm hanging out with him!

Dusty jumping off the bridge:

A bunch of us in the middle of a sword battle:

This last weekend was the 4th of July! My roommates and I spent Saturday on the river in Idaho Falls during the festival! It was a lot of fun and we got to see the biggest firework show west of the Mississippi in Idaho Falls! 

On the Fourth, we spent the day at Jackson County Lake! The lake is fifteen minutes away from us in Rigby and it's a man made lake, so it's all sand and no seaweed or fishy, so the water feels clean! There is an island to sit on and a dock with a water slide in the middle of the lake! It was a great day!

move along

Ever have that dream where your legs don’t work?

Every sense in your body is telling you to run,

But you are glued to the spot, as if the fight or flight response didn’t exist.

You’re only choice is to stand there and face whatever’s coming, head on

Waiting and hoping and praying that you wake up before the storm hits.

Have you ever realized that there is no dream?

And that you’ve been awake all along?

I stand unevenly

and I feel like I've been standing still for four years.

I’m the girl on the sidelines, I’m the girl on the stands.

I’m the one who watches, but never plays.

Sometimes I feel like a shadow and sometimes...

I feel like I’m just existing, without a purpose.

Everyone looks, but no one sees because they are all moving forward,

Following plans and dreams and futures

And I am stuck standing still, because plans…

Well, it’s pointless to have one these days

because my plans never seem to work out.

Sometimes I have these moments when I think I’m finally waking up and regaining the ability to move again.

But it’s always the same story...

It’s like swinging. 

I’m moving, but I’m not going anywhere.

I’ve come to realize something though.

Maybe not being able to move isn’t part of the nightmare.

When you can’t seem to move and your legs don’t want to work,

maybe that is a gift.

Because the only way to overcome your fears is to be there, just as you are.

Or maybe standing still or moving forward is a choice.

And maybe we stay in the storm because we’ve forgotten what the sun feels like.

Sometimes the hope for better days is too painful to face because it seems like the storm will never end.

But that’s life. There will always be a storm on the horizon.

And the sun will always come out tomorrow.

Life will continue to be beautiful, no matter what happens,

Even when it is raining outside.

This is it; this is life.

Blink and you’ll miss it.

I stand unevenly

and I feel like I've been standing still for four years.

There are days when I want to turn my back on it all and run away as hard and as fast as I can from everything that has happened.

I want to forget it all, erase the memories, give up and give in.

But my legs don’t work. I can’t run away.

And so I stand here, in my own personal storm.

But it is my choice to let this become a nightmare.

And although it may be raining out,

I am breathing; my heart is beating… I am alive.

And I'm learning that the rain makes the flowers grow

and that storms can be beautiful in their own way..

And just because I can’t run away doesn’t mean that I can’t move forward.

so today.

i take a step.

and i move along.

money woes

money is so stressful.

As of 20 minutes ago, I owe 1200 dollars on my credit card. I keep telling myself that it's worth it; I get to see my best friend one last time before he leaves on his mission. And I'm working two 40 hour weeks after the semester and will be able to pay a huge chunk of that off with that pay check.

I still need to book a flight home from Texas. 140 dollars there.

I need to pay the rest of rent (325 dollars) before the end of the month.

I need to pay rent for two weeks I'm staying in Rexburg.

And I need to figure out how to get a loan so that I can pay for school come fall.

yeah. I'm a little stressed. But I'm just gonna keep working; pray that Cazz keeps running well and cut back on my long drives to nowhere because I need to make my Gas last.

Pay my tithing and pray. it will all work out.