music moment

stumbled upon this band and song the other day.

another song written just for me. (besides the drinking part, haha)

love it.

It's been a while since the two of us talked
About a week since the day you walked
Knowing things would never be the same
With your empty heart and mine full of pain
So explain to me, how it came to this
Take it back to the night we kissed
It was Dublin city on a Friday night
You were vodkas and coke, I was Guinness all night

We were sitting with our backs against the world
Saying things that we thought but never heard
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

There was a time, that we'd stay up all night
Best friends talking till the daylight
Took the joys alongside the pain
With not much to loose, but so much to gain
Are hearing me? Cause I don't wanna miss,
Set you a drift on memory bliss
It was Grafton Street on a rainy night
I was down on one knee and you were mine for life

We we're thinking we would never be apart
With your name tattooed across my heart
Who would have thought it would end up like this?
Where everything we talked about is gone
And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

If the clouds don't clear
Then we'll rise above it, we'll rise above it
Heavens gate is so near
Come walk with me through
Just like we use to, just like we use to

Lets take it back
Before it all went wrong

Before the worst, before we mend
Before our hearts decide
It's time to love again
Before too late, before too long
Lets try to take it back
Before it all went wrong

some nostalgia

Curled up on plaid couches.

blonde head of hair contrasted between black curls and brown waves

grey controllers with worn out joysticks

giggles and yelling and funny voices.

giant rock runny thingys.

things are different from last semester.

different apartments. different roommates. different classes.

people have changed. people are gone.

but somethings; they stay the same.

and that is so comforting.

helicopter hair and kitten love

listing:

1. I am thankful for friends who make me giggle after off days.

2. I love voicemail tag. especially when they go something like: "i stopped listening to your voicemail when I heard: "let's make out" because I couldn't handle it anymore and I need to know what happened. CALL ME BACK!"

3. Long days on campus are made better when friends are waiting for you to come home and play Nintendo

4. I miss New England.

5. I have a lot to do this week. A lot. I need to stay focused and manage my time and not procrastinate. Getting adequate sleep will be key. Symone and I have been really good at going to bed on time last week. We need to keep up the good work.

6. I miss my daddy. I miss car rides and good music and daddy/daughter time and laughing at my ridiculousness and sassiness.

7. I HATE SNOW IN OCTOBER

8. I miss my best friend.

9. I have a sudden urge to read Tuesdays With Morrie instead of Oedipus. efffff.

10. I'm excited for flute tomorrow. I can never get enough of music. ever.

11. mindsleeper/minesweeper. there is a difference in those two games. one major one is that mindsleeper isn't actually a game at all.

a few reminders:

watch what I say. don't hurt anyone's feelings. USE tact.

wait for my turn. don't interrupt. There is plenty of time for everyone. Patience. 

be genuine. real. honest. kind. but really, be genuine. 

live in the moment. enjoy the time I have with my friends and don't pine or wish for other things. these moments should be cherished in every way. They won't come back.

appreciate. love. heal. wonder at the beautiful moments of life and always remember that there is a plan. things will work out.

it will be okay.

don't you bring me down today.

I need to focus on the things that matter to ME right now.

Let the disappointment take its toll, feel it, understand it, and then move along.

I know that things will be okay no matter what.

there is a plan.

and i believe in that.

so true.

"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she

handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled

Christmas tree lights."

-Maya Angelou

apple picking and damp air

snooze buttons are my worst enemy

and jamba juice never fails to make me happy.

rainy cool weather reminds me of late fall days in New Hampshire

and I've been filled with nostalgia all day:

this warm feeling in my lower stomach that fills me up and makes me feel like my lungs are full of air. Breathing in damp air filled with the soft scent of gentle fall decay causes scenes to flash, fast paced, in front of my eyes. Soccer games at depot field, late afternoon marching band rehearsals, raking leaves in the back yard, apple picking and exploring pumpkin patches, long car rides taking the back roads to Julianna's house filled with an explosion of color, the first of sweaters and winter hats, and general new england love all come to me at once when I breathe in that damp, fall air.

sweatpants, chamomile tea in mugs, open windows, blankets and a good book+damp air and trees with a bit of color=a piece of home while being across the country.

Start of something new.

Sometimes I have these moments when I feel totally genuine.

and recognizing those moments and realizing I was totally myself makes me feel like I am worth something.

and it is about time that I started believing in that. I don't need anyone else to tell me that I am worth something; a weakness that I have had for many many years. I have always relied on other people to build me up, to assign me worth. I thrived on hearing people tell me that "I am wonderful, I am worth something."

but those days are gone. it's different now.

I am believing in my own person. I am the New England girl with a little too much East Coast Pride, who battles procrastination on a daily basis, walks around with pearl necklaces on her forehead; who cries during allstate commercials and texts her best friend with things like: "I was just thinking about your squeaky eye" or "remember that time when you thought you a mermaid?"

I am sassy, spunky, and I am growing.

and I love that I can recognize those things in myself.

and that I can recognize my weaknesses and the areas where I need to work on improving.

I know that I have a long way to go. I know that I can work on my procrastination, my big mouth and expressing my emotions in a safer, healthier way. I know that I need to work on forgiving, letting go of my grudges, and on staying more organized.

But. I am recognizing my triumphs today. Because success gives me hope, makes me feel accomplished and makes me feel like I am worth something.

The fact is: I'm beginning to feel almost fully happy again.

and this time, it is on my own. my goal this summer was to learn how to be happy on my own. To do things for myself, to improve myself, to not let anything slow me down.

and I think I am finally achieving that.

at least, tonight, it feels like I am.

I was supposed to be in bed thirty eight minutes ago.

but to those friends who stood by me this summer: thank you. Your support and understanding has shown me how to grow on my own. (i know, that doesn't make much sense, but it does to me.)

I am my own person. and tomorrow is a new day.

Sunrise, Sunset

woke up with the sun this morning.

well, two and a half hours earlier then usual.

shower with inconsistent temperatures, church history paper touch ups

a granola bar on the run.

on campus at nine.

math test.

campus store.

science.

church history.

math.

u.s. history.

go. go. go.

home while the sun starts to set.

turning to Misao, telling her that we can now watch the sun set over porter park right outside our window.

instead of walking across campus on a whim and hoping for some colors.
New England Patriots Jersey.

rocked it all day. made some friends.

i'm proud to be an East Coast girl.

silly little macbook and a spinning beach ball of doom.

phone calls from Californian friends who I love dearly.

missing Hamilton.

epic adventure to the upper field with roommates

home in time for XOXO Gossip Girl.

the last of the cookie dough and ending the night with Greek Civilization.

today has been okay.

keeping it together

massive headache zooming in that came out of nowhere, so this will be best put in list form:

(my favorite form, of course)

1. Sleepovers with best friends really do make everything so much better. Also, grey's anatomy, cookie dough and the office while cuddling and talking about everything that you could possibly talk about. it's a security blanket. it's a piece of home.

2. Rubik's Cube is seriously owning my life. I am getting really fast at something I once thought was impossible for me to ever achieve. I feel accomplished.

3. Conference weekend the coming week and I can't wait to be out of Idaho for a few days and back with my best friend. I love traveling.

4. A old Fall Semester friend will be back in the Burg soon and I am excited for some old traditions to come back into my life: McDonald's Runs, N64 Parties and Swinging in Porter Park. maybe we will be infinite again.

5. I am listening to Bright Eyes and this time it doesn't hurt as much.

6. I am going to curl up with my history book tonight and tackle math in the AM. After tomorrow, I will put ten times more effort into math because I want to succeed in it.

7. Symone has been gone for a while. I hope she comes back soon. i miss her.

8. WHERE DID THIS HEAD ACHE COME FROM?

9. I am considering a guitar class next semester. that or piano. I want more music.

10. In case you couldn't tell, today I am a fan of BOLD

11. I will be in bed by ELEVEN tonight.

12. I am beginning to understand what it is like to feel DRIVEN.

13. Vow of Silence is going very well, thanks. Let's go for another week. i can do this.