I'm wide awake at 6:00 AM and this time, I can't blame the construction workers across the street, because they didn't start hammering away until 6:30. My alarm was set for 9:00, but I guess that plan went down the tubes. Anxiety gnaws away at my stomach; my jaw aches as I try to stay away from one more does of advil before I go visit the dentist this morning.
I get thoughtful at times like these; in the early morning hours when I'm supposed to be sleeping or in the mid afternoon lull of transitioning seasons. I feel the pull to write; and I never know what will end up coming out of my fingers. I just know that I have to something in written word; to document it all as I experience it.
I look back at my goals for this seven week break and realize that I obtained almost none of them. The every day routine of getting up, going to work, and coming home sucked me into a monotony that was only punctured by the empty ache in my gut that belongs to China. Maybe I needed the down time; a break from the crazy life I have lived this year. The constant traveling, working, serving, loving-it can all be so exhausting at the end of the day.
But living life in a way that leaves you tired at the end of every day, and not just sleepy, but tired...well, I feel like that's the only way to live. It means you've worked your hardest; loved the loudest and above all, let nothing escape you. No regrets. Just living fully.
And I realize that I want to come home every day, tired.
1 comment:
i'm going to always be so jealous of how good a writer you are. i spew greatness once in a blue moon, but you, it just comes out so naturally! that means i better be getting some pretty awesome letters :) love you!
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