last night, next week.

my arms are full of mail from him as I walk out of the clubhouse. I pause to talk to Sam who is crossing the parking lot, because she is expecting a check and I thought I saw it but I couldn't remember. The cleaning agency did a good job this time, she tells me. And I start to ask her about our new roommate who pulled the fire alarm in our apartment that morning and set the sprinklers off, when there are arms wrapping around me from behind. I turn, clutching the huge pile of mail to my chest, confused. But it's him. And I'm dropping the mail and my hands clutch his suit coat and I can't let go because it's him. It was noon, I still had five hours to kill and I hadn't bothered to put my make up on and he's early because he flew in the night before and I don't care that my hair isn't done because it's him. And his parents are there, watching and smiling and I'm not afraid of anything anymore, because it is him.

hi, he says. 
hi, i say back.

instinctively, i reach out for his hand, but hesitate. He's freshly returned. Don't rush him, I think, don't rush.

But his hand reaches back and finds mine. you're real, i tell him.

yes, he says, i am. 

Family is Forever

Merry Christmas.

James Vincent McMorrow

There are those songs that come out of no where; stumbled upon on a insignificant Wednesday morning in the lull of a work day, that just hit you deeper then your gut, but sink into your very bones. It makes you pause not only in what you are doing, but a pause in every aspect of your life because the chords and lyrics and sheer music open your insides up to the world and you are forced to examine them.

This is one of those songs for me.



closely followed by "if I had a boat" by him.

Paul McDonald

I love you more than I knew
I could ever love someone
And got it all so deep
I can barely even breathe
If I need a shelter from the storm

Baby, you’re all I've ever needed

Andrea Gibson

You tilt your head back. You breathe. When your heart is broken, you plant seeds in the cracks and you pray for rain. And you teach your sons and daughters there are sharks in the water. But the only way to survive is to breathe deep and dive.

I don't ever want to grow up

wisdom teeth, you suck.

teddy bears, however, do not.

and I will forever be a little girl at heart.

reality check

Weird to think about how everything has changed in the last two years; to see my friends progress and move along and find happiness and strength and be all grown up. I was thinking about all of that today, as I was sitting in the passenger seat, mindlessly humming along to the song on the radio. But then my thoughts turned slightly to the handsome face that meets me in Narnia every night and it hit me out of nowhere, like a ton of bricks and I couldn't inhale deep enough because I was filled with excitement and anxiety and hopefulness all at once:

next week is my last full week without him. because he comes home the week after.

I really like that best friend of mine. Love him, actually. And I am so excited to never have to be without him again.

Being Home

means sitting by the wood stove at night; running random errands with dad, watching Christmas movies and playing telestrations and just being loved.

And driving the winding roads that belong solely to New Hampshire? Well, that's just plain magic, right there.

on being an educator

I never thought that going into the professional field of education would be considered dangerous.
As of Friday, it most definitely is.

And I, like everyone else in the nation, am rocked by what happened in a part of my beloved New England. Shattered. Distraught.

But of this, I have no doubt: In the limited teaching experiences I have, both in China and in Madison Middle this last semester, I would not hesitate to do whatever I could to protect my students. Because that is what unconditional love is; and it's a precious and invaluable lesson that I have learned throughout the last year. And those educators who died on Friday, protecting their kids? Without a doubt, one of the most incredible examples of unconditional love in the world.

May angels lead them in and may we all find comfort in the knowledge that they are safe, sound and home.

freedom

One night in Rexburg, one night in Utah and then I'll be spending my nights in the heart of New England, in the comfort of my bed, with the wood stove's heat wafting down the hall. Everything about home is calling to me and I can't wait to be back there.