Just me and the Cazz Machine

I hadn't even been home for a full hour last night when Mom sat me down and laid out a detailed to-do list for me to accomplish this morning in order to get Cazz back on the road. I couldn't believe we were actually going to do this; that she was actually willing to help me get my car road-worthy again. I mean, Cazz is MY car in MY name and my parents have made it very clear that he is MY responsibility. And I have taken care of those responsibilities without any help from my parents for the last two years! I've paid car insurance, all maintenance bills, oil changes and gas fill ups (although they have paid for my registration as my birthday present for the last two years) since it was put into my name. And my family isn't in the best financial circumstances right now. Yeah, we're doing okay, but as it is with most families, money is tight. My parents are paying for my brother's mission, getting ready to send Ashley to school and somehow helping me with China too. So no, I was not expecting my mom to be so willing to help me get my car back on the road. (But let me tell you, my parents are amazing to be so kind and willing to help. I love them so much. I'm grateful for them beyond words)

Today, I spent a good hour on the phone with our insurance, another 20 minutes on the phone with our mechanic and then jumped my car because he hasn't been started in over a month. After dinner tonight, I took Cazz out on the road, followed my dad through countless windy back roads and hills for about 45 minutes until we reached our mechanic's (who is also a good family friend) shop, so that he can be looked at first thing tomorrow. And let me tell you, those 45 minutes of me and the Cazz machine after eight months of being car-less, having to depend on others for rides at school, and feeling boxed in my apartment on nights when I just need to be out was the most freeing and uplifting feeling ever. Just me and the Cazz Machine, my little transformer and windy New England roads that make me feel more alive then anywhere else.

I am home.
I am happy.
I am where I belong.

till Monday

"I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"

I made it through finals week, two long days of training for China and now I'm flying home tomorrow. I'll be back to you all on Monday. <3

Until Sunday

I know, I know. I have utterly failed at blogging over the last couple of weeks. I have been on. the. go. So much to do, never enough time to do it. Heck, my last letter to Dustin was a paragraph a day for almost a week (and that is saying something). I'm focused and exhausted and entering my last push for the semester, so I probably won't be writing anything for the rest of the week. Just wanted to say that I'm alive. I'm kicking. I love my life and everyone in it. I know who I am, and I know where I am going. I'm loved. and I'm going to be home on Sunday.

Peace, Love and Chemo!<3

finals week

98% of my room is packed up and stored away. Two papers, two finals and two portfolios stand in the way of me and being back in New England. Almost there. Almost. there.

Grateful

I am grateful for the people who love me, and in turn, love him. 

today in Post Modern Literature

"Trauma is memory, buried alive."

the most wonderful time of the year.

well, not really. I love Christmas, but I hate finals week, especially when it means leaving early, working extra hours and moving out of an apartment AND trying to spend time with my cute roommates. Am I exhausted? Overwhelmed? Stressed? Yep, of course. But, because this will be my eighth semester surviving finals, I also know that in just over a week, I'll be home. I'll be happy. And everything will be what it is, no matter what. So, I'll just keep my head up and pushing forward.

Peace, love and chemo!<3

Snapshots on Sunday

Today, I spent most of my afternoon and evening working on this: my creative response to Oscar Wilde's only novel The Picture of Dorian Gray for my final project for Brit Lit. 

And I couldn't be happier with how well these turned out. Special thanks to my roommates who modeled for me, to Symone who was my creative director and also helped me find my camera battery charger and to Russell who let me commandeer his macbook pro and Adobe PS 5. 

Two weeks until I'm home

I've been on campus since ten. It's now three. I'm making progress, but my brain needs a baby break, so enjoy this funny little moment from this summer at Zion's Camp. Jake and Katie were sitting in one of the trucks, waiting for Mom to call them with her next assignment. Ashley and I pulled up next to them on the four wheeler and found Katie drawing different eyes on post-it notes and sticking them on Jake's sunglasses.

I loved this summer. I loved everything about it. I loved spending every day serving at camp; my safe place, my haven. I loved how close it brought my family together. I loved feeling like I was part of something so much bigger. And I loved being outside, in New England, everyday.

I can't wait to be home in two weeks, to take my Cazz machine up to camp and to be surrounded by those precious 66 acres of land.

always